(Sounds the song "For our ladies" Trofim)

We remember wonderful moments
What have you given us in life!
Therefore, without delay
Let's start the concert for our ladies!

We are grateful for the smiles
And for heavenly features,
For what misses, mistakes
Forgive out of kindness.

For giving excitement
that rise again and again
And divinity and inspiration,
And life, and tears, and love!

(Sounds the intro of the song "SONG OF OLD WOMEN - JOY».

New Russian grandmas appear, sing a song)

SONG OF OLD WOMEN - JOY

Music Vladimir Shainsky Lyrics Mikhail Nozhkin

Us people with their skill
Yes, rewarded with fun
To lift your spirits
Equipped to help you!

Chorus:
We have a year - it does not matter!
If the soul is young!
We don't care!
If the soul is young!

Since childhood, I'm not afraid of blood,
I will heal your wounds.
And if I laugh -
I want everyone around.

Chorus.

I have a sharp eye
I will see all your enemies.
Well, as I whistle at once,
I'll put the army on the ground.

Chorus.

Can we fire a cannon
Sewing, washing, cooking dinner!
Well, what kind of old ladies are we?
The three of us are 300 years old!

Chorus.

Matryona: Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Check out how cool I am today .. and .. cool in general, I’m getting high myself! Is this my old friend?

Flower: ... oh, Matryon, how hard it is to be a real woman in our time .. but

Matryona: oh, Flower, don't talk. And you look really cool today, so it’s okay! (Flower howls) What is it?

Flower: I got up this morning, sat down at the mirror, laid out my makeup in front of me ... and fell asleep ..

Matryona ? No, I went to a beauty salon today. Look how I am today..!!

Flower: oh wow..what a beautiful lipstick you have!

Matryona : the lipstick is super-resistant, you anointed it once and you will never erase it, even lie down in a coffin with it .. by God ...

flower: oooh

Matryona : fathers, and shoes, and shoes-ta ... what is a Flower?

Flower: It's Iconic!

Matryona: ahh .. that's what ..

flower : shoes for the dead man! oh for the fan! and I also bought a rejuvenating mask for myself .. ba ..

Matryona : I immediately looked 40 years younger! No, you know, I'm struggling with wrinkles in a different way. right now .. iron Roventa, once stroked and wrinkles are gone!

tsvetotsek : oh, you know, I already forgot about wrinkles.

Matrenaa: why is that??

Flower: sclerosis, the best medicine…hihihi….

Matryona : Flower, do you know why we gathered at all?

flower: no

Matryona: ahh .. about our professional holiday!

flower : janitor's day????

Matryona : why is the janitor's day…??! I'm talking about the women's holiday in general!

flower : ahh .. I remember, of course, I remember about Women's Day! Right now, our men will congratulate us! How do I look??

Matryona : God forbid…i.e. I mean super awesome! Well guys, we listen to you!

(Men come out with a song)
We must honestly tell you
We need more girl life.
Well, who will tell us that spring is coming,
Well, who will deprive us of peace and sleep?

Who awakens love in the soul,
Who will make you believe in a dream again,
Who will kiss us, at least sometimes?
Who will share life with us once and for all?

Chorus: (grandmothers sing)

And how to live without us
Well, tell me, tell me.
Where are you without us?
Yes, just nowhere.
Not without reason all the ages
We are carried in our arms
And we are ready to turn our hands again.

(bring chairs to grandmothers, they sit down)

man : let me congratulate you on Women's Day, and wish you to always remain as young as today ..

Flower: Are you kidding me or something .. I don’t understand ..

Man2 : you must not! dear grandmothers!

Matryona: by the way girls!

Flower: ...and not so expensive...

Man" : well, our dear girls, on this day we would like to wish you intelligence, a lot of beauty .. and also ..

Matryona : wait, wait .. are you trying to say that we are two unfortunate terrible fools or what ..??!

Man3 : need so! our dear ladies, we congratulate you on the holiday and wish you good health!

Matryona: behold, this is better!(Guys leave) _______________________________________

Matryona: Flower, I wanted to tell you ..

Flower: FAQ?

Matryona : Do you know that Maria has a granddaughter?

Flower: What are you?

Matryona : Yesterday was born to her God.

Flower: Bah!

Matryona : Such a fool!

flower : It's nothing! It's nothing! Ugly they then get better. And beauties, on the other hand, are stupid.

Matryona: Or maybe you were a child .., I suppose, you were a beauty.

Flower: Again! Stop Matryona, let's announce the number: on stage _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
(scenery: park, bench, Flower comes out, sits on a bench, later Matryona comes out)

Flower: did you come out with a guitar?

Matryona: Yes, I would like to personally congratulate you.

Flower: personally ... well, nice .. one will congratulate.?

Matryona: no.________________________________________________________

flower : Well, right now, wait, I'll take a pose ..

Matryona: fathers ... you also have a congratulatory pose ..

flower : well, what about ... (hit parade)

L. Vaikule: Vernissage
Once in our village
I met you by chance
You drank kvass right at the kiosk.

I fell in love with you
For your ADIDAS suit
And 3 stripes on the emblem.

There is no end to chance meeting
We hugged on the porch
Promise to love each other...

Shining yellow moon
I realized that I'm in love
I realized that I'm in love

ETC.: May this March day
Nobody will be alone
Let them give women flowers
And let the cats sing songs.

March 8 every year
I congratulate all the people
And this song as a joke to you
Performed for lovely ladies ...

Boris Moiseev incoming
(acting capriciously, manneredly)

We are nobody to each other and this makes it easier
Doesn't hurt, doesn't ache, and doesn't drive you crazy
I came here for you festive evening

To wish you all love and kindness.

I want you to be happy, alive,

If a bullet flies, it always misses you,

And I want to tell you that you are all beautiful here,

But I'm in a hurry, I'm leaving now!

Pr .: I will not, I will not eat your vinaigrette now,
And I will not and will not even eat your salad,
I'm passing through here and I have a ticket in my hand
I will leave soon for the city of Leningrad!

Alla Pugacheva
To the melody of the Song of a Real Colonel

Oh, what a capricious Boriska you are,
Get out of my sight as soon as possible
You act like a radish
What to do, I'll sing for two,

Etc.: Let the songs ring out loud
Today we have a holiday!
Happy March 8th girls
Come out, let's dance!

Flower: oh, Matryon, thank you very much .... but this is not the son of Boris Maeesha .. ?? (Matryona looks at the flower with amazing eyes)

Matryona: Flower, today is a holiday, but you need to write an explanation why you were late for Chinese lessons yesterday ??

Flower: here is a pancake (in Chinese shukay here)

Matryona: what ... who to poke ... ??

Flower: nothing .. at Chinese .. be it wrong

Matryona: okay, write an explanation, and I'll come later

(the hall together with the Flower write a letter) Why I was late (explanatory)

Form start

End of form

Why am I late (explanatory)

Yesterday when I was walkingfor Chinese lessons, suddenly fell on me from a tree crazy policeman . I screamed like underground rhinoceros and lost consciousness. I woke up in Karaganda and said take mefor Chinese lessons, I really need. But for some reason they took meto the State Duma, and from there I walked until I was given a lift jet clunker . That's why I was late yesterday.

Matryona : Flower, how did you get so lucky that ... Oh, look, there is some kind of gathering, let's go, let's take a look

(2 people in a bathrobe and start advertising a w-mobile)

LEADING: Consider that best gift This book is for librarians. We then know the correct answer. Fur coat? No, take it higher. Well? As the respected Leonid Arkadyevich would say: av-mo-be-l !!! And so, now a new concept car will be presented to your attention ... But I am silent, I am silent: the word to the creators!

Two young men in white coats come out.

DESIGNER 1: Dear friends! Actually, we planned the presentation at the Geneva Motor Show, but for the sake of the holiday (International Women's Day), we will tell you some insider information.

DESIGNER 2: And so, let Mikhail Prokhorov bite his elbows with his Yo-mobile, we present the first women's shop J-MOBILE!

DESIGNER 1: Main characteristics. J-MOBIL refuels, like the hostess, with one glass of gasoline.

DESIGNER 2: Unlike a regular car, there is a section for lipstick - where the cigarette lighter was. The cigarette lighter itself was eliminated, in order to avoid an unpleasant burning sensation.

CONSTRUCTION 1: If desired, the J-MOBILE can be painted with henna or hydrogen peroxide, as well as increase thresholds.

CONSTRUCTOR 2: Important point: the car is a chameleon. Automatically changes color to match your purse and boots.

CONSTRUCTION 1: F-MOBILE - does not skid on the road, it just wags the bumper.

DESIGNER 2: The Zh-MOBIL radio tape recorder fundamentally does not catch the chanson, and automatically replaces it with your favorite hits.

DESIGNER 1: There is a CD with compliments in J-MOBILE. This was done on purpose, in order to shout: “Fool, where are you going?” - you heard: "Good girl, you are doing everything right."

CONSTRUCTOR 2: Every year J-MOBIL needs not only repair of pendants, but also a new necklace and ring.

DESIGNER 1: J-MOBILE has one drawback, it looks too good on pictures of traffic police photo radars.

CONSTRUCTION 2: The steering wheel of the J-MOBILE is shaped like Brad Pitt's torso, which makes him not want to let go.

CONSTRUCTION 1: The steering wheel automatically gives you a manicure, and the gas pedal - a pedicure and a light foot massage.

CONSTRUCTOR 2: The machine senses where there is a new collection or discounts and slows down there.

CONSTRUCTOR 1: Soft toy, a pink pillow and a velvet cloth come as standard.

DESIGNER 2: There is a function to search for a lost earring in the cabin.

DESIGNER 1: The technical inspection coupon is at the same time discount card and a subscription to the solarium.

CONSTRUCTION 2: The car is washed at least twice with a shower gel with violet extract.

CONSTRUCTION 1: There is not only a rear-view mirror, but also a full-length one in the cabin.

CONSTRUCTOR 2: To avoid creating negative image The owner's car is equipped with an automatic parking function.

DESIGNER 1: Well, that's probably all. Does anyone in the room have questions?

PERSON FROM AUDIENCE: You've described everything so colorfully. Does your car have any flaws?

DESIGNER 2: In our opinion, there is only one: the trunk of the J-MOBILE is made according to the principle of a handbag.

PERSON FROM AUDIENCE: So?

DESIGNER 2: It has everything you need, you will find only what you need.

DESIGNER 1: Thank you! Wait for sales! Coming soon in AVON and ORIFLAME catalogs!

Bow.

Matryona: Fathers, Flower, I also want such a Zh-mobile ..

Flower: hee .. I have had a J-lisaped for 15 years ... and I normally drive ...

Matryona : Well, let's go, you'll show, but for now ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________- (leave)

Flower: Well, what do you like about my car? The car is it?

Matryona : You know, flower: Not really. I have a Cossack, enough for me. The motor does not make any noise at all.

Flower: What's so quiet?

Matryona : Why, the ears are clamped by the knees!

flower : Wow. On the stage_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Flower: Oh, Matryona, after all, well done we, that we decided to go on patrol with you at night! Protecting your beloved village is a holy cause, especially since today such a holiday you never know ... you have to be on the alert (takes a gun)!

Matryona: Don't talk, don't talk!

Flower: Oh, yes, in general, is it really so scary now to walk in the village in the evenings?

Matryona: All right! You yourself are a maniac, Flower!

Flower: No, I'm a maniac exterminator! MIG 76!

Matryona: I'm looking at you right now, after all, they say the truth that the whole village is afraid of you, the whole village!

Flower: Is it someone she's afraid of me?

Matryona: Why aren't they afraid of you? Last night, what did you shoot from a gun, you say a hooligan? Did you shoot at the banks?

Flower: So the man was digging cabbage in the field!

Matryona: Bah!

Flower: Yes!

Matryona: oh, look, the young people are coming ... yes, how they are cooing .. well, quickly .. quickly into the bushes ...

(sketch)

a short and thin man named VASEK enters the stage. He sits down on a chair. He is wearing a cap with a flower, a fashionable rural jacket. He has a grass stalk in his teeth, and a small flower in his hands. The song begins to play: "Oh, you are there on the mountain."

AUTHOR: Paramoon AscendedPictures Presents (pause) Feature Film: "He Came Again"
His beloved MARUSYA comes out to VASK (it is possible that this was a man in women's clothing) and sits next to him.
VASEK: Hello, Marusya!
MARUSYA: Hello, Vasyok!
VASEK (gives a flower): This is for you!
MARUSSIA: Oh, thank you!
They both look up in awe. Vasek gently puts his hand on her shoulder. She winces.
VASEK: Marusya... will you marry me?
MARUSYA: Oh, I don't know. It's so unexpected! I need to think.
VASEK: How long can you think? I proposed to you six years ago.
MARUSYA: Well, I don't know. If you think it's about time, then I agree.
The song is still going on. They sigh together with smiles on their faces.
MARUSYA (after a pause): Vasya! Who do you want to get first: a cat or a dog?
VASEK: Well, maybe, after all, we will have the first child?
MARUSYA: Vasya! (pause) Who do you want first: a girl or a girl?
Vasyok slowly turned around and looked at Marusya. Then, just as slowly, he turned back.
VASEK: (thoughtfully) I don't know. (pause) Probably a girl. And you?
MARUSYA: I don't care. (pause) Vasya, will you always love me?
VASEK: I will love you to the end.
MARUSYA (after a pause): Vasya, it's already late. Walk me home
Our heroes are leaving. The music stops.

AUTHOR: Ten years have passed.
Vasya comes out and sits on a chair. Five seconds later, Marusya comes out with buckets. Puts them on the floor.
MARUSYA: Why are you sitting there? Why are you sitting, I ask you? Have you cleared the yard? Did you feed Kurei? I have to do everything myself.
VASEK: Why are you shouting like that? I will do everything now.
MARUSYA: I'm screaming because even on the 8th of March, you don't do anything for me. And he said that you will love me to the end.
VASEK: So the end has already come.

THE END

flower : oh, yes, how much romance .. that ..

Matryona: and what are you doing with a bag… are you really going there..??!! hihi..

flower : no ... I’ll fly to Hawaii ...

Matryona: what Hawaii ... a holiday .... and even more so you don’t know what the weather is like there ... ahh .. and suddenly it rains .. snow

flower : Matryon, are you ... it's always warm there .. and what is the weather like for today's holiday .... ??

(weather forecast)

Matryona: Dear comrades, we begin the weather forecast for tomorrow ...

(The flower dances and hums the tune "Emmanuelle")

So, tomorrow, according to the Russian Hydrometeorological Center, it is expected ...

Flower: Ah!

Matryona: What is it again?

flower : Something hit me in the back.

Matryona: I jumped, old nymphet ...

Flower: No, when it enters my back, it means to rain.

Matryona: Do you understand where it hurts?

Flower: Right here in the top third...

Matryona: Tomorrow it will rain in the east of the country ...

Flower: Ah!

Matryona: What is it again?

Flower: Something cracked me.

Matryona : A thunderstorm is possible.

Flower: No, look, let go.

Matryona : There may not be a thunderstorm.

Flower: You hear, grandmother, scratch your back, something colitis.

Matryona : Tomorrow a cyclone is possible to the north, an anticyclone to the south, an assault front to the east, midnight in Petropavlovsk-Kamchatsky!

flower : Hear, scratch in the southwest. Something is whining there. Probably the pressure is jumping

Matryona : Tomorrow, in the black earth regions of the country, the pressure will drop to 40 degrees inward, to 40 milligrams ... milliliters ... well ... millimeters of mercury.

flower : Somehow my nose itched, apparently for a drink.

Matryona: The weekend is expected to reach 40 degrees inward and zero. 9 in the morning full fog, dry land and otkhodnyak. Everything!

flower : No, not all. It is expected to rain with snow, ice, wind gusts up to 15 m/s, visibility 20 meters.

Matryona: Father, where did you find out everything?

flower : It was announced on the radio in the morning.

Flower : So right now, students in grade 6 will tell us everything.

6th grade scene

______________________________________________________________________________

Matryona : where is that one? Have you seen my spectacled jerboa?

(Flower appears)

Yes, are you always late?

flower : faq, faq was behind the scenes, watched.

Matryona: Who?

flower : Like whom? Yes, their beauties. Just look at them ...... (chastushki 5th grade

Matryona: What are you doing again?

flower : Yes, the crossword puzzle does not work. Here are 2 words and it doesn't work

Matryona: Let me help.

flower : that's 13 horizontally - a bad habit.

Matryona : Whose bad habit?

Is it my bad habit? (crying)

Flower: What about you?

Matryona : I have a bad habit. I have been suffering for 5 years now.

flower : What happened then?

Matryona : Yes, when I wake up, I brush my teeth.

Flower: Yes, it's nothing. This is fine.

Matryona : Whom is fine. And do you know. How many times do I wake up during the night? - Normal.

flower : Doesn't fit anyway.

Matryona : See the eighth vertically. Starts with the letter I..

flower And so it's a game. Stage 5 class

Flower: I have good news. I was chosen as the best cheerleader of the year.

Matryona : Well, that's right, you either get sick, then another, then this, then leaking the roof.

flower : You started teasing me again.

Matryona: Okay, you need to finish this business, otherwise you will get sick again.

Meet

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Flower:
Something doesn't matter you look, Matryona.

Matryona:
Look at yourself better, old crow!

Flower:
You look pale, lethargic and boiled like pasta!
Well, get ready for work and defense.

Flower:. I have one recipe, we will teach the peasants to bake pies.

Matryona: Regular apple pie recipe
(especially for men who are preparing a surprise on March 8)

Flower: Take 10 eggs from the refrigerator, put the remaining seven on the table and wipe the floor, next time be extremely careful. Take the basin and break the eggs on its corner, pour their contents into the basin. Wipe the table from the yolks, be careful. So, we have 5 yolks in the basin.

Matryona: Now take the mixer, insert the beaters and start beating the yolks. Try inserting the beaters again... now until you hear a click. Whisk.
Wash your face, neck, arms and back, and pour the yolk out of your ears.
As a result, you have two beaten yolks left in your basin, which is exactly what we need for the pie.

Flower: It's time to get the flour. Paste the walls and ceiling of the kitchen with newspaper, cover the furniture with some kind of cloth. Pour 200 g of flour into a glass, then pour into a bowl with yolks; collect the remaining 800 g carefully back into the bag.
Matryona: After making sure that the ceiling and wallpaper are covered with newspaper, start whipping.

Flower: Take a shower. Take 4 large apples and a sharp knife, first run to the pharmacy and buy iodine, a plaster and a bandage. It's time to start peeling apples.

Matryona: Treat your thumb with iodine and bandage it. Cut the apples into cubes and remember, we will need 2 apples, so you can only eat half during the cooking process. Treat index and middle fingers with iodine.
Flower: Throw the only remaining and already chopped apple into a bowl, pick up the fallen pieces from the floor, rinse them.

Matryona: Beat everything with a mixer. Wash the refrigerator, then it dries up - do not wash it off.

Flower: Now pour the contents into the pan and place in the oven. Wait an hour and see no tangible changes, turn on the oven. When you wake up, do not call "01", just open the windows and the oven.

Matryona: After everything experienced with a sense of accomplishment, go to the store and buy a cake.

Flower: Let's go, Matryona, we should buy a cake too, otherwise the men will sort everything out, but for now you meet

Primadonna Alla Pugacheva with the unfading hit "A Million Scarlet Roses":

There lived a wizard alone.

Bought a nice house.

Created a greenhouse

Raised scarlet roses.

To a glorious women's day

Raised a million

But loving none

Roses he used:

Million, million, million scarlet roses

You carry, you carry, you carry to Privoz

Who is in love, who is in love, who is in love and seriously

I gave half a thousand scarlet roses for five heels!

The holiday went well -

He sold many flowers.

He rowed money like a bucket,

Just didn't get any happier.

Let him ruin you

But you were happier

You bought these roses

He gave his dear!

Let someone grow a million scarlet roses,

Let it carry, let it carry, let it carry to Privoz:

You're in love, you're in love, you're in love and seriously

You will give, You will give everything for the heels of scarlet roses !!!

Flower: Matryon!

Matryona: Oh!

flower : What do I want to ask?

Matryona : Ah, ask, ask honey

Flower: What did you think yesterday when we were offered to perform at this school?

Matryona : Hey heh! My dear, I didn’t think anything. And what is there to think, anyway, they won’t pay us anything here. So at least we will be a gift for the holiday, dear to them!

Flower: Meet another gift. On the stage gr. "Factory"

to the motive "Fish" from the repertoire for the performance by the ladies' group.

1 TO.

When spring comes again
Streams are ringing, snowdrifts are melting!
With nature together on earth
The floor of the weak is blooming too!

CHORUS:
Oh, lyuli, my lyuli!
Oh, lyuli, my lyuli!
Spring winds blew!

2 K.
Well, why are we worse than these stars
In your province, girls!
And we have our own producer!
They need to look for this!

Let the tour not threaten us!
And show business does not shine for us!
But we know one thing for sure:
We are the best in this world!

CHORUS:
Oh, lyuli, my lyuli!
Oh, lyuli, my lyuli!
Spring winds blew!

LOSING

3 K.
And on this March day
We sincerely congratulate you!
And reach any heights
In all matters, we wish you!

Let your eyes glow
Let your face shine with a smile!
And let fate give you
One day I will meet with a goldfish!

CHORUS:
Oh, lyuli, my lyuli!
Oh, lyuli, my lyuli!
Spring winds blew!

4 K.
And we wish you more
Hear more compliments
And may you always be
Much better than your competitors!

And we don't need anything
More of these moments!
And even though we are not in the Kremlin now,
But we look forward to your applause!

Here we shine like the sun!
Congratulations! Congratulations!
And we sparkle to you today
We wish you brighter than any stars!
Oh, lyuli, my lyuli!
Oh, lyuli, my lyuli!
Spring winds blew!

Matryona: Flower, oh, what a song! I'm crazy!

Flower: And I'm so wound up, so wound up! You know, I watched a movie yesterday, there were two such men! (R. V. Delikanov and V. V. Pitreev come out at this time) There they are, these, from the TV!

verses from the repertoire of Bandurin and Vashukov

We are funny grandmothers
Let's sing ditties for you.
Performed by grandmothers, prepare patties.

1st:
In my youth I was
A very prominent girl...
2nd:
something looking at you
I don't believe this!

1st:
Previously performed in the choir
Sang a song...
2nd:
We thought the dog
It's howling at the moon!(clap hands in a place with the audience)

1st:
I had 4 husbands with registration….
2nd:
And 4 more were on privatization(clap hands in a place with the audience)

1st:
On the trail of pensioners
Grandfather walked gray-haired ...
2nd:
He, when he saw you,
Run away like a young man!(clap hands in a place with the audience)

1st:
me to a beauty contest
Made a board...
2nd:
You explain to the people
What are you, a technician?(clap hands in a place with the audience)

1st:
I'm waiting for this spring day
Prince on horseback..
2nd:
Dreaming! For you
Grandfather will come down in a vest!
Both:
Came to the end of the ditty,
Clap your hands
Until then let's dance
With that good guy!
(bow)

Matryona: Oh, men, respected!
Flower: We have such an uplift in our souls that we will now sing for the men!
Matryona : Listen, do you like ditties?
Flower: I love it!
Matryona: Can you sing them?

Flower: And talk and sing!
One - and, two - and miscalculated -
Now it has become men.
I will be like Bandurin.

Matryona: Well, I'm like Vashukov.
Flower: Please, people, pay attention to us!
Together: Let's sing from a woman's face women's suffering!

Chorus : We are not too lazy to sing ditties,
Because Women's Day.
Guys, pay attention
Women's suffering!

1. Every year on March 8
The husband carries a bouquet in his hand.
2. And where will you bet
Are these ficuses in a pot?

1. Husband will give again today
toilet water.
2. That's why it doesn't happen
No guests, no flies sometimes!

1. I have a cute little bald

Well, where to put him?

2. When there is no mirror

You will look into the bald head

1. They came to woo me

On a gray mare

2. Your chests were taken away,

And you have been forgotten

1. I am a foreigner
Found it in an ad.
2. You live with him abroad
In sunny Turkmenistan.

1. A darling is walking along the road,

Goes smiling

2. It turned out that he inserted his teeth -

Mouth won't close!

1. My sweet little tractor driver
Well, I'm a sweetheart
2. He is in fuel oil, you are in manure,
You are a sweet couple.

1. I can you Matryon
Crush morale.
2. Hear, do not boil,
Spiral teapot.

1. Oh, you, fashion, fashion, fashion,

What have you brought

2. Even grandmother Lukerya

I went to church in shorts.

1. At school, you have girls -
Smart, beauties!
2. And I know that the boys
Like it very much!

1. We wish everyone good health,

We wish you happiness

2. Happy first spring holiday

Congratulations

1. So that you know sorrows
Even a light sadness shadow
2. So that your eyes always shine,
And not only on this day!

Together: We are not too lazy to sing ditties,
Because Women's Day.
We sang suffering
Thanks for attention.

Dance Head ________________________________________________________________________

Flower: Teacher, teacher.

Matryona: Are you singing this?

Flower: I want a song for the teacher.

Matryona: Please, at the command of the pike, At the will of the Flower Song "All Flowers"

Matryona: Listen, Flower, here's what I'm going to say.

flower : Tell me, honey.

Matryona: If deputies have a sad life, then the salary is big. And these teachers have a fun life, and the salary is small. Look how funny they are.

Matryona A: So let's have some fun. Girls, let's dance!

Dance

Matryona: We congratulate dear women
After all, you are beautiful, like spring itself!
Let fate keep you all from troubles,
And life will be beautiful and long!

Flower: Let everything be in it - the sea of ​​\u200b\u200bsmiles,
Love and happiness - a whole ocean!
Lots of amazing stories
And congratulations from distant countries!

Matryona: Ambassador from the island of Sicily. The head of the Sicilian mafia Antonio Zverino (Anatoly Zverev, for example) with an interpreter (translator).

Ambassador of Sicily: Drunken drunk because of the stolin gulini, Poganini, bikini!

Translator: Greetings to all sitting in this festive hall!

Ambassador: Drunken in the morning, brainy sick, goner - hungry, smart, felicita!

Translator: I greet all my friends and colleagues here!

Ambassador: Drunken in morning striptease, cretino, bambino, gulyak immoral.

Translator: And also those who could not come today!

Ambassador: Mia problem, consensus and body up to hair dryer.

Translator: On this day, we will not talk about political and everyday problems.

Ambassador: Mia Roger Interesto

Translator: I would like to ask.

Ambassador: Bellisimo belly humanoid?

Translator: Who gave the joy of this holiday?

Ambassador: Mafiosi Terasini?

Translator: State Duma?

Ambassador: Papa Putino Cardinale?

Translator: Our president?

Ambassador: Know, know, know!

Translator: No, no, no!

Ambassador: Santa, Maria, Maradona, Felicita!

Translator: Friends, you gave yourself this wonderful holiday!

Ambassador: Mia presente Santa Maria..

Translator: I want to wish you...

Ambassador: angino, griposo, gastritis, miacardo and sciatica

Translator: Good health!

Ambassador: Colosale ponimanto respect!

Translator: Mutual understanding in the team and family.

Ambassador: Great business!

Translator: Prosperity in life!

Ambassador: And drunk, drunk, drunk!

Translator: And always be happy!

He bows and leaves.

(The costume of the Ambassador of Sicily: a long dark cloak, buttoned up tightly, a long white thin scarf (muffler) on top, a dark hat with wide brim, a cigar, dark glasses.)

Grandmothers: We came to you for an hour to congratulate you on March 8! Wishing you much happiness, see you soon! Congratulations, dear teachers!

Scenario

"BOTH JOKING AND SERIOUSLY!"

The children enter to the music of Paul Maria

1 host (Pavel)

Flowers and women!

Always on sunny Earth.

Everything from women: love and strength,

Warmth and life, and light in the darkness.

2 host (German)

So let your holiday be glorious,

And on this day, as always,

You are valued, cherished, dearly loved.

And joy will be young!

Song "Mom's Smile"

1. Dear mothers, grandmothers and aunts, (Nikita)

It's good that at this hour

You are not in the service, not at work,

In this hall, look at us!

2. We love you very, very, very, (Ahmed)

Very, infinitely - this is not a secret;

However, in short:

You have never been more loved!

Dance "Moonlight" (Amiralieva Olesya)

Sounds like an overture "Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson".

4 gentleman boys enter the stage in suits, white shirts, bow ties, white scarves and gloves.

(Andrey, Vadim, Dima, Stepan)

1st. - Sir, is this a gentlemen's club?

2nd. - Not. This is high school elementary school.

3rd. - Sir, I see a lot in the hall beautiful women!

4th. - No wonder, sir. Our school has the most beautiful moms And

amazingly beautiful girls.

1st. - Sir! They are not only beautiful, they are kind and affectionate.

2nd. “They, sir, are gentle and considerate.

3rd. - They are cheerful and cheerful, sir.

4th. - Yes, sir! These are real ladies.

1st. - And real gentlemen came to congratulate them, sir.

2nd. “Smart and beautiful, sir, calm and unruffled.

3rd. - Although sometimes, sir, they go from words to fisticuffs.

4th. “But not today, gentlemen. Today we will suffer.

The gentlemen leave.

IN 1 I really want to please (Tanya)

We have all the guests today,

And for them we have prepared

Lots of holiday stuff

IN 2 Something sad will seem to you, (Yura)

Something that will make you cry

After all, our concert is called ...

Everything: Both jokingly and seriously!

IN 3 Now let's give way to a joke - (Alina)

We can't live without her

It's better with her in difficult times,

Why don't we joke?

Teacher: Meet! A guest from a distant land and his interpreter!

The leaders leave.

A guest from a far country. (Guest wearing a sombrero hat and poncho)

Guest: Emancipation is made of you hard worker!

Translator: You are as beautiful as a tea rose on the southern coast of Crimea.

Guest: Tongue on the shoulder: the cook, the styraro, the work of the bejaro, the child of the nyancharo, the husband of the meeting. Oh horrendous! Reachable!

Translator: Your hands are as white as wings bird of paradise! Your camp is thin, like a mountain path.

Guest: Oh, Santa March, woman!

Translator: Oh, incomparable woman, the light of my eyes!

Guest: Santa March only once a year!

Translator: For a whole year, a man gives you flowers and carries them in his arms.

Guest: Bambino-kinderino, robbery pick up emerald, diamond, ruby!

Translator: Your children are obedient like angels!

Guest: Palace, fountain, served? Know - two rooms, bathroom, toilet.

Translator: Your house is huge, spacious, full of abundance.

Guest: Eniko, beniko, no vareniko, obedo caramo, delicate vermicelli.

Translator: The dishes on your table are wonderful: fruits, strawberries and

champagne!

Guest: Carino, sarino, bus, button torn off.

Translator: A smart car is waiting for you near the house.

Guest: Secret fantastic, how clever is the beauty of byvanto?

Translator: How not to be beautiful in life like this?

Guest: Hotento is desirable.

Translator: What do you wish?

Guest: The salary has been paid, the strength is enormous, the man is patient to help, health, good luck, thanks for your attention!

Translator: Not translated.

Indian dance (Gorlova Polina)

Poems (insert)

Presentation "Our mothers"

Scene (mothers play) insert.

Teacher: Well, now we turn to those who raised our mothers and fathers and continue to give their strength, knowledge and love to their grandchildren - to you, dear grandmothers.

Scene "Grandmother's worries"

(two "grandmothers" and one student enter the stage, reading the words of the author)

(Hera, Polina, Vika)

Two grannies under the window

We met in the evening.

What are you talking about? What to buy and what to bake?

We don't care about pancakes

Not "Ondine" with "Nastya".

We are discussing today

School troubles.

1st grandmother.

I ask you to give me the first word, -

Grandma Frosya said.

Father watches football, and mother

Comes only at eight.

Why do I carry such a cross,

Tell me for mercy?

I went to bed at 6 o'clock yesterday

Didn't sleep at all today.

As mathematics - at least cry.

Why such agony?

Again, we have 5 problems to solve.

They tortured my grandson.

2nd grandmother.

But the tasks are just horror,

There is nothing for people to do.

Some from point A go

others towards them.

And two pipes and a reservoir?

All night long we wallowed in it.

And my granddaughter "neither be nor me",

For him, I am a prophet.

We will write down three, but in the mind,

The mind is completely different.

Potato ran out a long time ago

You need to buy eggs. (Get up)

Together

Should ask grandmothers

Less homework. (Leave)

Poems: Roma, Nastya, Alina, Diana Shabanova.

1. We bow down to grandmothers.

We always want to be close to you.

We will not forget your concern.

We appreciate you and your work.

2. Now they are smiling

It warmed my heart.

Oh what beauties you are

Even if it's aged.

3. Goes to school for meetings

Grandma cooks broth.

She for it every month

The postman carries money.

4. If grandma said:

Don't touch, don't you dare

You have to listen because

Our house rests on it.

When everything around is shining

Let us congratulate you

Happy International Women's Day!

Song "My Mom's Mom"

Presentation "Our grandmothers"

Calls (Pavel, Stepan, Ahmed, Vadim, Roma, Gera)

Hey man people

Married and single!

Break away from boring things,

Hurry up to congratulate ladies!

(insert)

1st boy: We continue today's holiday, (Roma)

We congratulate our girls!

2nd boy: Now we will sing separately for each, (Daniel)

We just sing, let's say it doesn't matter!

School ditties about girls by March 8 (Roma, Nikita, Ahmed, Vadim, Grisha, Dima, Daniel)

As the snow melts in spring

It turns out water.

We will sing to you about the girls -

Woe to them and trouble.

Our Tanya is a laugher,

And she is not too lazy to laugh.

Tanya show your finger -

There will be laughter all day long.

Katya loves to cook:

Boil borscht and bake rolls.

Everything in her apartment is in the test,

Not even anywhere in the bedroom to lie down.

And Vikushka is so serious

Will not part with the book:

Eats with a book and sleeps with a book -

He teaches everything, he tries.

Fields heals all animals,

Walks with syringes.

The cat made a "mantu",

She tied a bandage to her tail.

Nastya loves to manage

Feeds the entire household.

Gave sausages to ducks -

The ducks hung their noses.

Our Dasha is a hurry,

She is not too lazy to wash the dishes,

But the dishes break -

Five cups every day.

And Alina sews and knits -

Straight master.

Sewed a sundress to mom -

The glove came out.

Our Julia loves dancing,

Circles in front of the mirror.

If they say: "Dancing at school" -

Run to school quickly.

Jazz-punk dance (Alina Goryunova)

funny scenes for children

Vovochka, you were late and entered the classroom without knocking. Walk out the door and come in like you're supposed to.

And I don't know how to.

Well, come in as your dad comes in.

Vovochka shows with his palm that he understood, goes out, then bursts in and shouts:

Yeah, parasites, did not wait ?!

Guys, our guest is leaving. What should you say goodbye?

All: Thank God!

Vovochka, confess who you are homework done?

Do not know. I went to bed early yesterday!

Vovochka, do you remember what I said in class today?

Remembered.

Repeat!

- "Vovochka, don't be a hooligan!", "Vovochka, sit still!", "Vovochka, don't fidget!"

Taxi! Taxi! Please drop me off at school!

I would love to, but I can not - I'm in the other direction.

Take it to another! This is even better!

Vovochka in the pharmacy:

Do you have any reliable pain reliever?

Boy, what hurts you?

Nothing yet, but dad's already gone on parent-teacher meeting.

The father addresses his son:

Vovochka, tell me, what subject do you like the most in school?

School bell!

(Gentlemen exit)

1st gentleman. And now, gentlemen, congratulations from the gentlemen to our beloved teachers!

On Women's Day, we wish good and health,

We wish you good luck, and money can not be counted,

We keep your every word in our hearts,

Thank you for your work, it's good that you exist!

2nd gentleman.

There are wonderful women in the school:

Ladies, ladies, seniors, ladies.

Don't take this as flattery.

Gentlemen-men love you.

Your word, sir!

3rd gentleman.

How do you come to class?

We are losing our minds with excitement.

And from this only at the blackboard,

Sometimes we answer randomly.

Ask! Sir!

4th gentleman.

We promise to delight you all with your studies,

So that you do not have to be upset.

Let go of sadness and anxiety.

We wish you happiness and health.

Rhythmic gymnastics(Nastya Chumakova)

IN 1 Yes, we are resourceful children, do not say anything!

IN 2 But surely each of us knows: to make mom happy, you do not need to wait for miracles.

IN 3 It is enough to take care of the mothers themselves, help with household chores, and speak affectionate, kind words to mothers.

AT 4 And, of course, to please school success.

funny fortune telling(handing out envelopes )

Song "Pie for Mom"

Handing the pie

1st host:

The eighth of March is a solemn day,

A day of joy and beauty.

All over the earth he gives to women,

Your smiles and dreams.

2nd leader:

Congratulations to everyone on Women's Day,

With a welcome spring and a drop,

And bright sunbeam,

And birds of spring ringing trill!

3rd leader:

We wish you happy, clear days.

More light and goodness

Health, joy, success,

Peace, happiness and warmth!

4th presenter: So our holiday has come to an end. Once again, we congratulate everyone on the beginning of spring, on such a wonderful holiday - March 8 Day! May the sun always shine in your families and happiness live!

Teacher (insert words)

(We give gifts to mothers)

Super-grandmothers!

Maybe there is a bigger date
And probably not alone.
Only in the afternoon on March 8
Spring opens.

March 8 - a solemn day,
Day of joy and beauty
All over the earth he gives to women
Your smiles and flowers.

I'll give you a riddle

And you guess it:

Who puts a patch on the heel?

Who irons and mends the clothes?

Who cleans the house in the morning
Breeds a large samovar?
Who plays with the little sister
And takes her to the boulevard?
Whose hair is whiter than snow
Are your hands yellow and dry?
Whom I love and pity
Who do I read poems about?

Of course, about the grandmother. We know that every child loves his grandmother.

And so today we dedicate our holiday to you, our dear beloved grandmothers.

Song "Grandma"

Our holiday is called "Our grandmothers are the best in the world." All children know this. But today our grandmothers will prove it once again by participating in competitions.

Let's split into teams. Each team will have a grandmother and a grandson (or granddaughter).

I am with my grandmother

I've been friends for a long time.

She is in everything

Along with me.

I do not know boredom with her,

I enjoy everything about her.

But grandmother's hands

I love everything the most.

Oh how many hands these
They do wonderful!
Then tinder, then sew, then wash,
They are making something.

Foams are smeared so thickly,
Poppy is poured so thickly,
So rudely rub the steps.
Caress so gently.

CONTEST "Grandma's caress"- children with their eyes closed should recognize their grandmother by the hands when the grandmother strokes her grandson on the head or on the cheek.

CONTEST "We cook borscht" - spoon the vegetables into a bowl

Song "About Grandma"

Very my grandmother -
I love my mother!
She has a lot of wrinkles
And on the forehead - a gray strand.
So I want to touch
And then kiss.

Maybe I am like that
I will be kind, gray-haired,
I will have grandchildren
And then, putting on glasses,
I will knit gloves for one
And the other shoes.

CONTEST "Knit socks"- who winds a ball of thread faster (the grandson holds the threads, and the grandmother winds the ball)

DANCE - game "Wash"

CONTEST "Dry handkerchiefs"- grandmother and grandson hang handkerchiefs

Scene GRANDMA AND GRANDCHILD

In the center of the hall, a grandmother sits on a bench and "knits".Granddaughter Katya enters.
Granddaughter Katya. Tell me, grandmother, why do I have two eyes, two ears, two arms, two legs, but my tongue is one and my nose is also one?
Grandmother (putting off knitting). Therefore, Katenka, so that you see more, listen more, do more, walk more, but talk less and don’t stick your snub-nosed nose where you shouldn’t.
Leading. That, it turns out, is why there is only one tongue and nose. It's clear?

Scene TWO GRANDMAS

Two grandmothers on a bench

They sat on the hillside.

Grandmothers said:

We have fives!

Five for math!

And five - in language!

But grammar rules

I'm bad at dragging!

And I'm learning history

And like, it turns out.

Just these dates

I don't remember.

We sat and discussed.
shook hands with each other,
Even though they went to school
Not grandmothers, but grandchildren.

Our grandmothers are very musical: they love to listen to music and sing songs. And how many beautiful songs they know!

CONTEST "Song Duel"- sing a line from songs with the names of flowers

Chastushki performed by students.

The granddaughter ran boldly into the circle,
Twisted like a spinning top
And sang to the music
About grandma's business.

You, grandma, do not twist,
And you don't have to grieve.
Years are not the reason
To shed tears.

You, grandma, do not be sick,
Don't go to the pharmacy
Better run more often
To the disco club.

We are without a grandmother once
We prepared lunch.
They washed the dishes themselves
Since then there has been no dishes.

Burnt soup, pancakes,
Salt is poured into compote.
My grandmother is coming soon
Get rid of the hassle.

Here's a clean once a year
I decided the frying pan
And then four days
My grandmother washed me.

Dedicated to education
Dad his free day.
On this day just in case
Grandma hides the belt.

Goes to school for meetings
Grandma cooks broth.
She for it every month
The postman carries money.

We sang as best we could
They danced as best they could.
If it were possible
They retired for you.

Until we finish singing
And we promise grandmothers:
Listen to you always in everything
Morning, evening and afternoon.

CONTEST "Ditlets from Grandma"

Girls and boys!
Let's go with us
“Thank you” say to grandma.
Judge for yourself:
For troubles, for affection,
For songs and stories.
For delicious cheesecakes,
For new toys
For sweet jam
For long patience.
Thank you, grandmothers!
And your skillful hands!
All your virtues cannot be counted.
Thank you for having us!

Gift for grandmothers - video clip "Grandma's Tales"

GAMES

From the letters of the words CHRYSANTHEMS and SNOWDROPS, make words. Who is bigger?

For boys: show what I read.

Theatrical sketch.

At the Mirror.

You are a girl. You are going to a matinee dedicated to the 8th of March. You put on an elegant fashionable dress. Come to the mirror. Comb your long hair. Attach beads to your neck. You liked them. Wear beads. You put on shoes. hat. Look at yourself from all angles. Fix your hat. You open your bag. Get lipstick. Color your lips. Put your lipstick back. Hang your bag on your shoulder. Look again at yourself in the mirror. You smile. Go away.

- "March drops" - melt the ice with your hands, who is faster.

- "Learn the word" - guess the word by the reaction of the audience (kitchen, bedroom, bath, ...)

- "Who have I become?" - guess an animal or a fairy-tale character in pantomime.

- "Auction" - name the items of women's wardrobe.

scenario 8 Martha

(The song "For our ladies" Trofim sounds) No. 1

We remember wonderful moments
What have you given us in life!
Therefore, without delay
Let's start the concert for our ladies!

We are grateful for the smiles
And for heavenly features,
For what misses, mistakes
Forgive out of kindness.

For giving excitement
that rise again and again
And divinity and inspiration,
And life, and tears, and love!

(The intro of the song “THE SONG OF OLD WOMEN - Veselushek” sounds. No. 2

New Russian grandmas appear, sing a song)

Matryona: Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Check out how cool I am today .. and .. cool in general, I’m getting high myself! Is this my old friend?

flower: ... oh, Matryon, how hard it is to be a real woman in our time .. but

Matryona: oh, Flower, don't talk. And you look really cool today, so it’s okay! (Flower howls) What is it?

flower: I got up this morning, sat down at the mirror, laid out my makeup in front of me ... and fell asleep ..

Matryona? No, I went to a beauty salon today. Look how I am today..!!

flower: oh wow..what a beautiful lipstick you have!

Matryona: the lipstick is super-resistant, you anointed it once and you will never erase it, even lie down in a coffin with it .. by God ...

flower: oooh

Matryona: fathers, and shoes, and shoes-ta ... what is a Flower?

flower: It's Iconic!

Matryona: ahh.. that's what ..

flower: shoes for the dead man! oh for the fan! and I also bought a rejuvenating mask for myself .. ba ..

Matryona: I immediately looked 40 years younger! No, you know, I'm struggling with wrinkles in a different way. right now .. iron Roventa, once stroked and wrinkles are gone!

tsvetotsek: oh, you know, I already forgot about wrinkles.

Matrenaa: why??

flower: sclerosis, the best medicine…hihihi….

Matryona: Flower, do you know why we gathered at all?

flower: no

Matryona: ahh .. about our professional holiday!

flower: janitor's day????

Matryona: why is the janitor's day…??! I'm talking about the women's holiday in general!

flower: ahh .. I remember, of course, I remember about the women's holiday! right now, our men will congratulate us! how do i look??

Matryona: God forbid…i.e. I mean super awesome! Well, men, we listen to you!

( Come out men )

Music output children number 3

CHILDREN :

I will collect such a robot for my mother.

To do all the work around the house:

And washed, and ironed, fried and cooked,

And the floors in the apartment were swept and washed.

Dear ladies! We wish you to be surrounded by real gentlemen!

SONG « Dadmaybe» №4

Matryona: Flower, what I wanted to tell you .. What association does the word “spring” evoke in you?
flower: help, people answer…….

What about the word "woman"?
Matryona: (referring to Flower). You know, but for me the words "spring" and "woman" are inseparable. Say "spring", remember a woman.
flower: And if you say "woman", do you remember spring?
Matryona: Yes Yes! Quite right. Women, like flowers, bloom in spring. You walk around the city and you see - a blonde girl is walking towards her, modestly lowering her eyes. How it looks like a daisy!
flower: But the proud lady, how she looks like a rose.
Matryona: There are ladies who look like mountain lavender. Honore de Balzac compared women to flowers: “A woman is like a flower. The flower is fragrant and blooms under the rays of the sun. A woman blossoms from the love of a man.

flower: "I Dreamed of a Garden" Music by Boris Borisov, lyrics by Elizaveta Diterikhs, performed by the duet "Russian Romance"

TO MUSIC No. 5 plays, then decreases

Matryona: How many stars in a clear sky!
How many spikelets in the fields!
How many songs does a bird have!
Flower: How many leaves on the branches!
There is only one sun in the world.
Only mother is alone in the world.

SCEN: 3 moms

Music #5 cuts out when cutscene starts

Scene "Three mothers"

Leading: Our kids are so stubborn!

Everyone knows this.

Mothers often tell them

But they don't listen to their mothers.

Tanyusha in the evening

Came from a walk

And the doll asked:

Tanya enters, sits on a chair and talks to the doll.

Tanya: How are you, daughter?

Have you crawled under the table again, fidget?

Did you sit all day without lunch again?

It's just trouble with these daughters,

Go to dinner, spinner!

Cheesecake for lunch today!

Leading: Tanya's mother came home from work

And Tanya asked:

Mom enters, sits on a chair near Tanya.

Mother: How are you, daughter?

Played again, probably in the garden?

Managed to forget about food again?

Grandma shouted to dine more than once,

And you answered: now yes now.

It's just trouble with these daughters,

Soon you will be as thin as a match.

Go to dinner, spinner!

Cheesecake for lunch today!

Leading: Here grandmother, mother's mother, came

And she asked her mother:

Grandmother enters with a wand. He sits down on the third chair.

Grandmother : How are you, daughter?

Probably in the hospital for a whole day

Again, there was not a minute for food,

And in the evening I ate a dry sandwich.

You can't sit all day without eating.

She has become a doctor. And all fidget.

It's just trouble with these daughters,

Soon you will be as thin as a match.

Go to dinner, spinner!

Cheesecake for lunch today!

Everyone eats cheesecake .

Leading: Three mothers are sitting in the dining room,

Three mothers look at their daughters.

What to do with daughters stubborn?

All three : Oh, how difficult it is to be mothers!

Matryona: where is that one? Have you seen my spectacled jerboa?

(Flower appears)

Yes, are you always late?

flower: faq, faq was behind the scenes, watched.

Matryona: Whom?

flower: Like whom? Yes, their beauties. Just look at them……(CHILDREN

Thank you lovely ladies

And your skillful and gentle hands.

They are golden as the sun, always.

We will never forget mother's hands!

Let mother's affairs be famous everywhere!

Song « Long awayfrommothers» №6

Matryona: Flower, I wanted to tell you ..

flower: FAQ?

Matryona: Do you know that Maria has a granddaughter?

flower: What are you?!

Matryona: Yesterday was born to her God.

flower: Ba!

Matryona: Such a fool!

flower: It's nothing! It's nothing! Ugly they then get better. And beauties, on the other hand, are stupid.

Matryona: Or maybe you were a child .., I suppose, you were a beauty.

flower: Again! Stop Matryona, let's announce the number: on stage

Exemplary folklore ensemble "Divno"
Head Shilenkova Tatyana Sergeevna Honored Worker of Culture of the Russian Federation _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Matryona: What do you have again?

flower: Yes, the crossword puzzle does not work. Here are 2 words and it doesn't work

Matryona: Let me help.

flower: that's 13 horizontally - a bad habit.

Matryona: Whose bad habit?

Is it my bad habit? (crying)

flower: Yes, what about you?

Matryona: I have a bad habit. I have been suffering for 5 years now.

flower: What happened then?

Matryona: Yes, when I wake up, I brush my teeth.

flower: Yes, it's nothing. This is fine.

Matryona: Whom is fine. And do you know. How many times do I wake up during the night? - Normal.

flower: Doesn't fit anyway.

Matryona: See the eighth vertically. Starts with the letter I.????.

flower And so it's a game. On stage duet "Russian Romance" lyrics by Bulat Okudzhava music by Isaac Schwartz "Love and Separation"

(Scenery: a park, bench, coming outflower, sits downon theshop, latercoming outMatryona)

flower: did you come out with an accordion??

Matryona: Yes, I would like to personally congratulate you.

flower: personally ... well, nice .. one will congratulate.?

Matryona: no.________________________________________________________

flower: Well, right now, wait, I'll take a pose ..

Matryona: fathers ... you also have a congratulatory pose ..

flower: well, how about ... let's sing together:

coupletsfromrepertoireBandurinaAndVashukov №7

We are funny grandmothers
Let's sing ditties for you.
Performed by grandmothers

prepare the patties.

1- and I:
In my youth I was
A very prominent girl...
2- and I:
something looking at you
I don't believe this! (clap in hands in place co spectators)

1- and I:
Previously performed in the choir
Sang a song...
2- and I:
We thought the dog
It's howling at the moon! (clap in hands in place co spectators)

1- and I:
I had 4 husbands with registration….
2- and I:
And 4 more were on privatization (clap in hands in place co spectators)

1- and I:
On the trail of pensioners
Grandfather walked gray-haired ...
2- and I:
He, when he saw you,
Run away like a young man! (clap in hands in place co spectators)

1- and I:
me to a beauty contest
Made a board...
2- and I:
You explain to the people
What are you, a technician? (clap in hands in place co spectators)

1- and I:
I'm waiting for this spring day
Prince on horseback..
2- and I:
Dreaming! For you
Grandfather will come down in a vest!
Both:
Came to the end of the ditty,
Clap your hands
Until then let's dance
With that good guy!
(bow)

Matryona: We are now not new Russian grandmothers, but fashionable Russian grandmothers. I'll get myself a dog and go to the afterparty.

flower: Why are you in such a hurry? And who will have the dog?

Matryona: You're stupid, Flower. I suppose you don’t know that now we are stylish party girls, we will go to nightclubs, participate in fashion shows, only lips need to be done.

flower: How to do?

Matryona: Yes, make a duck!

flower: sick leave?

Matryona: I say stupid! It is necessary to push them forward like this (shows) and we will go with you to look for rich dads.

flower: Yeah, or a producer to sing songs, dance and not know grief, like the girls from the Exemplary Folklore Ensemble "Divno"

__________________________________________________________________________

Flower ek: Oh, Matryona, after all, well done we, that we decided to go on patrol with you at night! Protecting your beloved village is a holy cause, especially since today such a holiday you never know ... you have to be on the alert (takes a gun)!

Matryona: Don't talk, don't talk!

flower: Oh, yes, in general, is it really so scary now to walk in the village in the evenings?

Matryona: Okay, everyone! You yourself are a maniac, Flower!

Flower k: No, I'm a maniac exterminator! MIG 76!

Matryona: I'm looking at you right now, after all, they say the truth that the whole village is afraid of you, the whole village!

Flower k: Is it someone she is afraid of me?

Matryona: Why aren't you afraid? Last night, what did you shoot from a gun, you say a hooligan? Did you shoot at the banks?

Flower ek: So the man was digging grain in the barn!

Matryona: Ba!

Flower k: Yes!

Matryona: oh, look who is coming ... yes, how they coo .. well, quickly .. quickly into the bushes ...

(skit « Babainarmies) screensaver music number 8 to music exit

Village girl: Well that's all. Goodbye civilian life! Now for two years my house is a barracks.
City girl: Yes, what I just didn’t do to get away from the army. And she mowed down like a pacifist, and turned to the society of soldier fathers, and made eyes at the doctor. Nothing helped.
Village girl: Why run away from the army? Here I am, volunteering.
City girl: Yes, what a fool now she will go to the army. Right now there is chaos! Babovshchina!
Village girl: What? What else is "shiny"?
City girl: What, you haven't heard anything about Babovshchina? Well, nevermind, you'll soon find out.
Village girl: And my mother told me this: “Lucy, if you want to become a real woman, go and don’t be afraid of anything!”

City girl: Yes, how! And wash your footcloths, clean your boots, stand on the bedside table! And run AWOL for deodorants!
Village girl: And I also heard that in the army you need to salute.
City girl: Well, I do not! I will not give my honor to anyone. Well, except for the general.
Village girl: And there you have to put on a gas mask in five seconds.
City girl: This is what happens? I did my hair for three hours, did it, and then five seconds - and a gas mask ?!
Village girl: Nothing, they will cut it to look like Kotovsky, you will do your hair in five seconds!
City girl: One thing pleases, soon a new form will be introduced: here are bows, here are ruffles, kirzachi with high heels and a decollete
Village girl: You really rejoice. All the same, the ensign will drink everything.

City girl: How do you know everything?
Village girl: Yes, my sister recently came from the army. Biceps - in! Shoulders - in! On the back is a tattoo - DMB-98!
City girl: Seen for probably a week
Village girl: Yes, we had a nice walk on my wires. I put a bucket of moonshine to my girlfriends, so the three of us drank everything
City girl: And we invited the boys. Only they were weak. Everyone leaned on champagne. They drink two glasses each, and go: “Oh, how drunk I am, hold me!”
Village girl: And my boyfriend burst into tears on my chest. Like, how am I going to live here without you. Yes, I'm not going to look at other girls!
City girl: Everyone says like that. And a month will pass, and you will not wait for a letter from them!
Village girl: It's okay to cry, let's go to the dining room outfit!
City girl: Exactly! Cook dumplings!

flower : I have good news. I was chosen as the best cheerleader of the year.

Matryona: Well, that's right, you either get sick, then another, then this, then leaking the roof.

flower: You started teasing me again.

Matryona: Okay, you need to finish this business, otherwise you will get sick again.

Meet the Exemplary Folklore Ensemble "Divno"

flower :
What- then never mind you are looking, Matryona.

Matryona :
Look on the myself better, old Crow!

flower :
Are looking pale, lethargic And boiled, how pasta!
well- ka get ready to labor And defense. I have one recipe, we will teach the peasants to bake pies.

Matryona: Recipe ordinary apple pirogue ,
(speciallyformen, whichcooksurprise 8 Martha)

flower: Take 10 eggs from the refrigerator, put the remaining seven on the table and wipe the floor, next time be extremely careful. Take the basin and break the eggs on its corner, pour their contents into the basin. Wipe the table from the yolks, be careful. So, we have 5 yolks in the basin.

Matryona: Now take the mixer, insert the beaters and start beating the yolks. Try inserting the beaters again... now until you hear a click. Whisk.
Wash your face, neck, arms and back, and pour the yolk out of your ears.
As a result, you have two beaten yolks left in your basin, which is exactly what we need for the pie.

flower: It's time to get the flour. Paste the walls and ceiling of the kitchen with newspaper, cover the furniture with some kind of cloth. Pour 200 g of flour into a glass, then pour into a bowl with yolks; collect the remaining 800 g carefully back into the bag.
Matryona: After making sure that the ceiling and wallpaper are covered with newspaper, start whipping.

flower: Take a shower. Take 4 large apples and a sharp knife, first run to the pharmacy and buy iodine, a plaster and a bandage. It's time to start peeling apples.

Matryona: Treat the thumb with iodine and bandage it. Cut the apples into cubes and remember, we will need 2 apples, so you can only eat half during the cooking process. Treat index and middle fingers with iodine.
flower: Throw the only remaining and already chopped apple into a bowl, pick up the fallen pieces from the floor, rinse them.

Matryona: Beat everything with a mixer. Wash the refrigerator, then it dries up - do not wash it off.

flower: Now pour the contents into the pan and place in the oven. Wait an hour and see no tangible changes, turn on the oven. When you wake up, do not call "01", just open the windows and the oven.

Matryona: After everything you've experienced with a sense of accomplishment, go to the store and buy a cake.

flower: Let's go, Matryona, we should buy a cake too, otherwise the men will sort everything out, but for now you meet……………..

(Library of Rozhdestvensky)

flower: Matryon!

Matryona: Ay!

flower: What do I want to ask?

Matryona: Ah, ask, ask honey

flower: What did you think yesterday when we were offered to perform at this center?

Matryona: Hey heh! My dear, I did not think anything. And what is there to think, anyway, they won’t pay us anything here. So at least we will be a gift for the holiday, dear to them!

flower: Meet another gift. On stage duet "Russian Romance" lyrics by Mikhail Matussovsky music by Veniamin Basner "Fragrant clusters of white acacia"

??????? stock

flower: Educator, teacher...

Matryona: Are you singing this?

flower: I want a song for the teacher.

Matryona: Please, at the behest of the pike, at the desire of the Flower, the song ...... ..

Matryona : Listen, Flower, here's what I'm going to say.

flower: Tell me, honey.

Matryona: If deputies have a sad life, then the salary is big. And these social workers- life is fun, but the salary is small. Look how funny they are.

Why are you lying still, fat oak? (What are you standing, swaying, thin rowan?)

There is too little silver water in the houses of Uryupinsk (There are so many golden lights on the streets of Saratov)

Here they are, boys, long pants (Well, where are you, girls, short skirts)

Hello Tatar Sasha, My tongue will be bitter like coffee (Farewell, gypsy Sera, Your lips were sweet like wine)

Here, in front of the skylight, occasionally sober (There, behind the mists, eternal drunk)

An elderly Georgian works beyond the Volga (A young Cossack walks along the Don)

It's such a pity when some of you will be scattered there tomorrow (It's great that we are all here today)

I'll put you to bed in the evening, I'll come to meet you in boots (You'll wake me up at dawn, you'll go out unshod)

And I'm somehow warm, like an island from a lake (And you're as cold as an iceberg in the ocean)

Then something rose from the pit (Someone came down from the hill)

A yellowish frilly scarf crawled onto a raised backside (A modest blue handkerchief fell from lowered shoulders)

Predictably, the window rustled in history (Suddenly, as in a fairy tale, the door creaked)

VIDEO - congratulations

Matryona: We want to congratulate you girls,
Happy International Women's Day,
Let life pass without sadness
And the sun shines outside the window.
Flower: Smiles to you and a lot of happiness,
Good luck, bright, bright days,
So that life protects you from bad weather ,
Well, Love made you stronger!

Flower: Wishing you much happiness, see you soon! Happy holiday, dear women!

CORPORATE SCENARIO IN HONOR OF MARCH 8 WITH NEW RUSSIAN BABKI - MATRYONA AND FLOWER, AND ALSO WITH PARODY CHARACTERS OF RUSSIAN VARIETY STARS.
Consists of 10 scenes, 8 song parodies, 3 comic games.

Characters:
MATRYONA is a new Russian grandmother.
FLOWER - in the world of Claudius, also a new Russian grandmother.
"ELENA VAENGA" is a parody character.
"NADEZHDA KADISHEVA" is a parody character.
"SHURA" is a parody character.
"LOVE USPENSKY" - a parody character.
"ALLA PUGACHEVA" is a parody character.
"MASHA RASPUTINA" is a parody character.

1 scene.
MATRYONA. Hello, Flower! Well, we got along today. Look how many people. (Pointing to the hall)
FLOWER. Hi Matryon. There are a lot of people, really, but that confuses me.
MATRYONA. Et why?
FLOWER (looks around, lowers his voice). So, you know yourself ... If they start beating, it won’t seem enough ...
MATRYONA (also looks around, speaks uncertainly). Okay, you'll be fine...
FLOWER. You said on the twenty-third of February that it would cost. It didn't work!
MATRYONA. You yourself are to blame. You shouldn't have thrown a chair at that guy!
FLOWER. He came up to me! He demanded money!
MATRYONA. Correctly demanded, he is a waiter! You didn't pay him for cognac!
FLOWER (proudly). Women don't pay men for cognac!
MATRYONA. This is when their men treat them, then they don’t pay! And you yourself begged him for this cognac under threats!
FLOWER. Yes, I begged! Why didn't he want to drink?
MATRYONA. Because he remembered you from the day of the Airborne Forces!
FLOWER (offended). Think! The girl bathed in the fountain!
MATRYONA. Come on, I would swim alone, but you also took a goose in apples with you, you still wanted him to swim too. And when he drowned, she decided to portray the swan herself ...
FLOWER. So what? The dance of the little swans is my forte!
MATRYONA. The dance of the drunken penguin is your forte!
FLOWER. What are you clinging to me for?! What are you clinging to?!
MATRYONA. But who clings to you, it hurts you need?!

Nadezhda Kadysheva appears on the stage.

"HOPE KADYSHEVA". Girls, am I late?
FLOWER. Nagy, come in, just be careful.
HOPE. Why?
FLOWER. Because here is the evil Matryona!
MATRYONA (indignantly). Who is evil?! Who is evil?!
"NADEZHDA KADISHEVA" (conciliatory). Girls, don't fight! I worked so hard for you! On foot!
MATRYONA. What happened, Nagy?
"HOPE KADYSHEVA". And here, listen! (Sings a song).

I'M NOT A BLONDE (A parody of "I'm not a witch")
1.
Under your green eyes
I have now become a blonde.
And I jump around the stage like a goat
I managed to lose some weight.
Everyone scolds me, what now
I don't look like myself at all.
This hairstyle doesn't suit me.
And no one recognizes me!

Chorus:
I'm not blonde at all
This is my image
It's just in the store
There was no other paint.
I didn't look for her.
Rushed to the concert.
And bought what was
Got white!

"HOPE KADYSHEVA". Well, okay, girls, I have no time to sit here for a long time, I have to run to three more places! (Runs away)

2 scene.
MATRYONA. (Looks after "Kadysheva"). She ran away ... But the concert had not yet begun. (Turns to Flower) Okay, Klavk, let's get started before we get beat up ahead of time. (Into the hall). Good evening, dear comrades women!
FLOWER. Well, what are women comrades? Why are you discriminating on the basis of gender? Speak normally, they say, hello, comrades. We begin, they say, our festive evening.
MATRYONA. So it's a women's holiday!
FLOWER. Well, so what, what is female, now what, not to say hello to men? It’s not sweet for them today anyway ... (looks into the hall, pitifully). Look how pale...
MATRYONA (looks also). Oh don't talk. Especially this one... See? There is longing in the eyes ... Probably, he gave his wife a whole fur coat!
FLOWER. And look at that one ... What a contented one he is sitting, his cheeks are pink, his eyes are glowing!
MATRYONA. I see! Probably got off with deodorant! ..
FLOWER. Matryon, what about the one in the background? There are bags under the eyes! .. Especially under the left one - a festive purple color!
MATRYONA (thoughtfully). Looks like you can't get rid of the deodorant...
FLOWER (coquettishly waves his hand). Cute! We should give him a consolation prize!
MATRYONA. Have you put yourself in the consolation prizes?
FLOWER (does not take his eyes off the selected object). Why not? I am a girl in my prime.
MATRYONA. Hey, you, grandmother ... Do you even remember your age?
FLOWER. I remember! Well, think about it, a little over twenty ...
MATRYONA. What?!
FLOWER. Well, thirty...
MATRYONA (into the hall). Comrades, who is more?
FLOWER. Well, you are an ulcer, Matryona! Here we argue, I'll ring up!
MATRYONA (mockingly). Hey, you cardboard box! Will you start the evening, or will it cease to be languid?
FLOWER (loudly, with enthusiasm, into the hall). And the evening and so ... It begins!

THE SONG OF MATRYONA AND THE FLOWER (A parody of "Music bound us" gr. Mirage)

FLOWER (looks into the hall, at one of the men).
You'll see, half an hour,
Half an hour and it will be mine.
MATRYONA (mockingly).
Well, you're still a goat,
You'd better go home.
FLOWER.
He told me that I look cool!
MATRYONA.
And to himself he thought: "Cow."
FLOWER.
He didn't think that about me, but about you!

Chorus:
I'm walking with him today.
MATRYONA.
I'm freaking out over you
You, eh, could not dress funnier -
Like a fool from the village.
FLOWER.
I also found a city
Right now, I’ll drag you for the patches.
MATRYONA.
What, Flower, you are still a snake!
FLOWER (coquettishly).
But beautiful!

3 scene.
MATRYONA. Listen, Klavk... Do you even know how to run a program? I can't imagine anything.
FLOWER. What? What can't you imagine? The twenty-third of February was spent New Year we spent, we spent the Paratrooper's Day last year ... Why don't we celebrate March 8?
MATRYONA. Compared. Why spend Paratrooper's Day - pour, drink, dive into the fountain.
FLOWER (carefully looks Matryona from head to toe, speaks after a short pause). What's stopping you now?
MATRYONA (also looks silently into the hall for some time. She speaks meaningfully). There is no fountain!
FLOWER. Think fountain! The main thing is to have a glass! (Corrected). Pah you! The main thing is to create a festive mood!
MATRYONA. A glass is also not the last thing. One singer here recently told me that because of a glass of trouble ...
FLOWER. What are you?! And what?
MATRYONA. Yes, there she is, she will tell everything herself now.

Elena Vaenga enters the stage. Sings a song.

PARODY ON THE SONG "SMOKING" by E. Vaenga.

1.
If someone knew how sorry I am.
If someone knew how it hurts.
If someone saw my liver in the face,
He would know what she was saying.
And it started so well
I forgot my glass at home.
Champagne with a producer - for two,
From the neck straight in half!

Chorus:
Here I sit alone. (Pulls out phone, pretends to answer)
Yes, and I smoke, mom, again.
Bad without a glass
This is the foundation.
The full lyrics of the song in the full version of the script.

4 scene.
MATRYONA (following). It's a pity the girl, very young ...
FLOWER. Still inexperienced. She would perform with us more often, she would be like us, hardened.
MATRYONA (recollects herself). Okay, Flower, let's entertain the people, otherwise, look, how boring everyone is ... Maybe some kind of competition to arrange?
FLOWER. And I know what to do.
MATRYONA. What?
FLOWER. Gotta pick Miss Tonight!
MATRYONA. What is it like?
FLOWER. Well, you have to choose the most charming and attractive girl.
MATRYONA (looks into the hall). Oh, I don’t know, Klavk… Today all the girls are both charming and attractive, look how the men’s eyes run wide! I don't know how to choose...
FLOWER. Yes, it’s very simple, according to the parameters ... Ninety-sixty-ninety!
MATRYONA. Well, if according to the parameters ... Then you are the first to fit. These are your parameters, Klavk! Ninety-sixty-ninety...
FLOWER (proudly). Well, I'm not a standard either ... but close, close ...
MATRYONA. So I say - close! Your weight, height and age!
FLOWER (indignantly). Are you clinging again?! And I, by the way, at one time was the winner of a beauty contest!
MATRYONA (mockingly). What is this? "Miss Krivoy Rog-67"?
FLOWER. Fool you! Fie on you!
MATRYONA. Didn't hit...
FLOWER. But a well-known artist came to us. Now she will explain everything to you! And about weight, and about age ...

Lyubov Uspenskaya enters the stage. Sings a song.

I AM CORRECTED. (To the motive “I am lost” by L. Uspenskaya).
1.
Mom, don't swear, I didn't drink today.
I didn’t even smoke, I didn’t take cards in my hands,
I'm fixing, I'm fixing.
Mom, I don't go to the casino now
Bad habits forgotten by me for a long time,
I'm getting better... You see, I'm getting better...

Chorus:
Because, because, because finally I became an adult,
Why, why, why don't you believe me, I'm serious.
I do not hide my, my, my age anymore,
Twenty-five, twenty-five, twenty-five - why would I hide them?
The full lyrics of the song in the full version of the script.
"Uspenskaya" leaves the stage.

5 scene.
FLOWER. Did you see? Says twenty-five! And we are, by the way, the same age!
MATRYONA. Hey, you youngster ... Have you forgotten that we are hosting a festive evening?
FLOWER. I didn't forget! Now let's play one game.
MATRYONA (sarcastically). In a throwaway, or what? You only know how to play cards, I know.
FLOWER. Fuck you again. (Into the hall). Game for the best toast!

Participants are divided into two teams - men and women. They are invited to come up with an interesting continuation of the toast, in rhyme:

"For the Kremlin to stand and have money"

Dear friends! Those who are interested in this script can get it full version if they email me:
ehvelina-p@yandex.ru.
The low price is a modest gratitude to the author for his work.
By the time the scenario is calculated - for an hour thirty, taking into account the games. Using this scenario, you can raise the festive mood of your viewers!
Sincerely yours, author Evelina Pizhenko.