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For inner harmony is necessary. Emotional intelligence is a necessary component of a harmonious life

To love yourself, you need to treat yourself with understanding. Accept and forgive the person you see in the mirror...

Renowned British coach Nigel Cumberland teaches people to achieve goals around the world - in Hong Kong, Budapest, Santiago, Shanghai, Dubai and other cities.

In his book "Do not be sorry about anything" he collected 100 rules of successful people, and some of them are dedicated to relationships.

And this is not surprising, because love is one of the most important aspects our lives, and it is she who helps us to stand firmly on our feet and move forward.

Love for others

"The energy of love drives successful people", writes Nigel Cumberland.

He considers this feeling in two manifestations: short-term and long-term love.

Short-term love can take different forms: love, passion, need, lust, a strong desire to get something. It entails impulsive behavior and short hobbies.

This applies not only to relationships with people, but also with things. For example, when there is an irresistible desire to buy something: a new car, shoes or a handbag.

Such love passes quickly. Chasing this feeling, we simply fill the spiritual emptiness.

Being in love drowns out our low self-esteem, self-doubt, or some problem that is eating away at us from the inside.

Short-term love will never be the basis of a truly successful life.

lasting love not so exciting, but it is she who helps to become a successful person.

These are the feelings that we experience in a serious relationship when our connection with others is really strong.

This is the kind of love we have for spouses, children, and friends.

Often such relationships are not easy to maintain and develop, but a little patience - and we will be rewarded in full.

Self love

The secret of success lies in the ability to surround yourself with lasting love, and you need to start with self-love.

We often find it easier to love others than ourselves.

How often do you say that you are angry with yourself for something? Blame you for not doing anything to make your dreams come true?

To love yourself, you need to treat yourself with understanding. Accept and forgive the person you see in the mirror.

For inner harmony you need:

understand that no one is perfect and you are not the only one with flaws, weaknesses and problems;
accept yourself as you are, no matter how mediocre you think you are;
Forgive yourself and stop blaming yourself for past mistakes.

Establishing a connection

To whom in this life have you not said "thank you" or "sorry"? What memory becomes more painful over the years due to innuendo and remorse?

It is in our power to change this. It's time to find those to whom you have long wanted to apologize, and those whom you thank.

Say "I love you so" to someone who deserves it.

Forgiveness

Success comes to those who have learned to forgive.

Anger and resentment, as you know, destroys us. Forgiveness is liberating.

This means that you are weak, or that you have not been hurt that much. On the contrary, you will feel that you have stepped out of the cage and have begun to trust people again. Now you can develop relationships or find a place for new ones.

Forgiving, you seem to say: "I no longer need to waste my feelings and emotions on you and your actions."

Compromise

Any relationship - friendly, romantic or business - requires us to make concessions.

Sometimes it's about simple solutions: choosing a restaurant, a movie, a vacation spot.

It is more difficult when it comes to buying an apartment, a child or moving.

Adapting to others can be difficult, but a compromise is still necessary - for the sake of loved ones, for the sake of maintaining important relationships.

In such cases, remind yourself: compromise can be beneficial to both you and the other party.

Admit to yourself what really drives you: is it stubbornness and a desire to do things your own way?

How important is the end result, what are you willing to sacrifice for it?

Look at the situation creatively, maybe there is a solution that suits everyone.

Be honest, tell how you feel and what worries you.

It is important to understand when you can give in, and where you need to insist on your own.

poisoning life

Say goodbye to those who poison your life. Toxic relationships make us unhappy.

Are there colleagues, acquaintances, relatives in your life who constantly whine, envy, provoke conflicts and belittle your achievements? Wake up, face the truth.

Stop making excuses for those who violate your peace of mind.

Keep communication to a minimum, do not invite people you do not like to visit, do not stay overnight with "toxic" relatives.

Change the vector of love

From today, start putting more effort into lasting love.

Whether it is a relationship with a partner, parents, children, or things and activities.

Are you looking for new sensations and impressions, striving for euphoria? Or do you care about relationships that really mean something to you?

We have endless opportunities to find and nurture true love. published .

If you have any questions, ask them

Tatyana Burtseva, based on the book "Do not regret anything"

P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness - together we change the world! © econet

Published with permission from HODDER & STOUGHTON LIMITED

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without the written permission of the copyright holders.

* * *

No one can build you a bridge over which it is you who can cross the life stream - no one but yourself. True, there are innumerable paths and bridges; there are demigods who want to carry you across the stream - but only at the cost of yourself: you would have to pledge yourself, lose yourself. There is only one path in the world that no one can walk except you; where does it lead? Don't ask - follow it!

Introduction by Marshall Goldsmith

Each of us imagines what we want to be. But unfortunately, it is very difficult to follow these ideas from day to day. We are made up of habits and obey the mechanisms that shape our behavior. Sometimes they work for us, and sometimes they work against us. It is difficult to overcome this minefield and become what we aspire to be. Nigel's book will help us.

She inspires and invites practical ideas helping to live and work successfully in the 21st century. On the pages of this book you will find a variety of tips on how to change not only your life for the better, but also the lives of those around you, how to become more successful at work and at home, how to build relationships correctly, be healthy, financially secure both now and after retirement. . The book will help you not only determine the significance of success for yourself, but also give you the necessary tools to make it a reality.

Nigel was trained and certified in my center, where people are helped to achieve their goals - both business and life. We have carefully selected and compiled 100 ideas and exercises that will help you with this.

In Triggers: Creating Behavior That Lasts Becoming the Person You Want to Be, co-authored with Mark Reiter, I write that understanding the difference between success and failure is both easy and hard, just like managing the triggers that shape our behavior. The conclusions and exercises in Nigel's book go hand in hand with this idea. But just reading his book is not enough - you need to do all the exercises. So get ready for work.

As I said, it's not easy to become who you want to be. Nigel's book will give you a chance to overcome the difficulties that are holding you back.

Read it, act. And feel the difference!

Introduction

What does success mean to you? And what kind of success do you need?

The very concept of success is associated with the goals achieved, dreams realized, aspirations that led to the desired result.

But for everyone it happens in their own way, very individually. Your most cherished dream may seem to someone just a stupid idea. You may dream of becoming a chef, entering a special competition and winning the grand prize, but your friend hates cooking.

You need to achieve a lot so that one day, looking back at the path you have traveled, you can say: “I have lived my life successfully.”

This book is a guide on the path to achieving your goals, whether they are bold and great or modest and even mundane.

Think right now what it means to you to be successful:

Get a higher position;

Succeed as a leader

lose weight;

Run in the mornings;

Become a writer and get published;

Live healthy until retirement

Raise good children and see how they created their own families;

Calm down and live in peace with yourself;

Pay off the mortgage in full

Learn something new;

Always follow the call of the heart and do not regret it;

To be surrounded by wonderful people;

learn foreign language;

Completely defeat a serious illness;

Accumulate a certain amount of money;

Do what you love and not experience constant stress from work;

Be happy, content with what you have.

These are some of the responses from my clients. And now, interrupting reading, try to write your list. Do not correct anything in it and do not think about the order in which ideas come to mind. Let it be just a stream of consciousness.

The list will seem endless to you, and I can say for sure that it will change all the time. As soon as you reach the “top of the mountain”, you will find that you have been visited fresh ideas about the new "mountains". And then there will be “mountains” that you didn’t even suspect yesterday. Dreams and priorities change.

The 100 chapters of this book will help you achieve success, no matter how you imagine it and no matter what area of your life it is associated with:

Work and career development;

Relationships and family formation;

Personality and character;

well-being and finance;

Health and tranquility;

Training and education;

Retirement and what you leave behind.

Each chapter reveals a specific idea that will help you get closer to your goal. On the first page you will find a description of this idea and the necessary explanations. On the second you are waiting for a variety of exercises. Start working with them today to tune in to the mindset, habits, and behaviors you need to increase your chances of success.

Some exercises will be completely new to you, some will seem intuitively obvious. One way or another, it is important to fulfill them all. The exercises are specifically designed to help you form new habits and set your internal computer up for success. Rare lucky people perform such actions "without prompting", deliberately and consciously, and we most often consider them successful.

You will learn what you need to do right now, and what you can do a little later, depending on what the situation in your life is. If an exercise cannot be done because it is incompatible with what is happening, put it aside and return to it when circumstances permit.

Who am I to teach success?

This book is the result of fifteen years of my work as a coach and mentor of people from different social backgrounds in many countries of the world. Based on this experience, I have compiled a list of the 100 most important areas to focus on in order to achieve success in life in general.

Get married, and to this day I live in a happy marriage, raising two amazing children: my son is now 16 years old, and my adopted daughter is 24 years old;

Go to the University of Cambridge, and then, when I was only 26, become a regional financial director one of largest companies Great Britain;

Make your travel dream come true and live in eight countries in 26 years;

Participate in the creation successful company and sell it for several million dollars;

Become a famous writer and speaker;

Come to the opportunity to do what you love and help others by working as a coach in the Silk Road Partnership;

Learning to live in harmony with myself, being content with what I have, is probably my greatest achievement.

All that remains for me is to wish you all the best on the way to your cherished goal. The ideas and exercises in this book will help you achieve the success you deserve in life.

1. Follow your dreams

Life will be much better if you truly love what you do. People who are engaged in what they love get much more pleasure from being than others, simply because they follow their dreams.

Richard Branson

Dreams are the fuel of success, without them life will never be complete and successful, at least in part. Just as a car engine will not start without good gasoline, so you run the risk of living life without a dream, in fact, without starting to live.

Any success is always preceded by the fulfillment of a dream. As a coach, I have worked a lot with successful people, and all of them, in one way or another, came to success through the realization of at least one of their dreams. Sometimes it was a childhood dream, sometimes it appeared later, but in any case, the achievements of these people were associated with a dream come true. It was she who once captivated them, motivated them to action, inspired and inspired them. The dream, having become a goal, made me believe in the impossible, change my life in the most unpredictable way, leave my comfort zone and take risks even in a situation where it was hard to imagine.

As adults, we often follow other people's expectations without noticing or forgetting that we really love, and allowing ourselves to be guided. I can tell you about my own bitter experience. At school, I was very fond of geography, but I was advised to go to university to study economics. And I became an accountant instead of following my dream and doing what I loved. Have you had to make a similar choice? Sometimes, just looking back, you realize that you are not going your own way.

Successful people always know well what they want to do and do not betray their hobbies. They tend to make quick choices and go their own way. And it doesn’t matter to them that someone may not support them and even consider them crazy. Look at Steve Jobs, the founder Apple who dropped out of a prestigious university to pursue his dream.

Any success is always preceded by the fulfillment of a dream.

Guide to action

Realize your dreams

What are you dreaming about? What do you want to achieve? What dreams would you like to fulfill?

Make a list of answers to these questions. And not only write - draw, draw. This will help you see the connections between your ideas and discover long-forgotten goals and deepest desires. Here are some questions to help you:

What did you like to do as a child? Who did you want to become?

If you didn’t have to think about making money, what kind of life and what business would you choose for yourself?

What do you love most in life and would like it to happen to you as often as possible?

What do you like to do in your free time?

What in the life of friends or colleagues can make you slightly jealous?

Believe in the dream

Think about how to fulfill your dream, and at this moment observe yourself: did fear and negative thoughts appear? Perhaps an inner voice will tell you: "I'm too old and it's too late to do this," or "I'm married, I have a mortgage, I can't change my life so drastically," or "My parents will never support me." Successful people will confirm that there are always reasons not to do something, but at the same time they will add that you need to gather all your will and courage, take the first step and start.

Create an algorithm for fulfilling a dream

You will be surprised, and perhaps even frightened, by realizing how much you need to do to make your dream come true. The remaining 99 chapters of the book will help you find the funds and make the decisions you need to deal with this fear. Your main task is to understand how to fill the gap between the stage where you are now and where you want to be. This is not easy, and therefore I advise you to involve loved ones for help, ideally - to unite your dreams: together you will definitely be able to fulfill them.

2. Ask for help

The one who takes himself too seriously is constantly at risk of looking ridiculous; the one who is able to constantly laugh at himself never seems funny.

Vaclav Havel

It takes determination to say "I don't know," but it's a very good reaction and a clear sign that you don't take yourself too seriously. One of the most remarkable qualities is the ability to honestly admit that you have No response. Striving to be perfect will only frustrate and disappoint you. If you do not hide your insecurities, then there will definitely be people who are ready to support you.

Too many people act like they know exactly what to do in situations that, frankly, they can't do at all. Too many try to speak or act with self-confidence when they really need help. Both at home and at work, we are often forced to act as if we can provide answers to all questions at any time.

And the secret is to say in time: “Wait a minute, I don’t know what to do yet.”

When life presents us with difficult challenges, we are eager to respond, and we stand up for what has already been said once and of which we were sure. At the same time, we blindly do not notice other opinions and proposals. Successful people are always ready to admit that they were wrong or did not know something.

Life is unpredictable and changeable. You can't always be right about everything. Sometimes the best thing to do is to calm down, step back from the problem, accept help, and stop taking yourself too seriously.

Striving to be perfect will only frustrate and disappoint you.

Guide to action

Find your weak points

Consider the question: “Have you ever stubbornly stuck to your views and opinions, refusing to reconsider your attitude to a situation in which you could be wrong?”

What do you not notice and why? Do you always adhere to the algorithms of your behavior? Do you really need to argue with your interlocutor? Is it true that you never take into account what people younger than you say? Do you hate to lose and always set yourself up to win by any means necessary?

Then be prepared to change your course of action and become more open to new things. Take any typical day as an example when you are making decisions, defending your opinion, answering questions, and try asking yourself, “Am I missing something? Is there something here that I don't see?"

Need a jester

It is not easy to discover weaknesses in yourself. Ask family, friends or colleagues to be your "court jester". Just as it happened in the Middle Ages at the royal court, your "jester" at the right time will be able to directly tell you that you are too stubborn, or make a mockery of yourself, or are too serious about yourself. What would you prefer: for the "clown" to reveal to you what is wrong, or to be laughed at?

Learn to laugh at yourself

Successful people are great at making fun of themselves - their mistakes and the wrong train of thought. Be ready to happily admit your mistakes and make fun of yourself.

3. Create your future

The future is not something we enter into. This is what we create.

Leonard Sweet

Successful people never rely on blind chance or luck. Perhaps, looking at such a person, you think that he is just lucky. He probably ended up in right place at the right time. In fact, even the smallest success is the result of many hours, and sometimes many years of preparation and hard work.

It is not enough to just dream and plan to make your dreams come true. To move from plans to action, you need to convince yourself that it is you who create your own future, and not luck or fate that determines what happens to you. You need to tune in to this way of thinking and control yourself. Get ready to be persistent, work hard, sacrifice a lot, take risks, and just do the right thing.

Never deny yourself and give your life to the will of the waves. As a coach, I have seen many people give up any attempt to influence their future. They gave up personal responsibility for themselves, coming up with various dubious excuses for this, and blamed bad luck or other people for all the failures that happened to them and may still happen. The easiest way is to convince yourself: since success has not yet come, it means that it will not happen. But if you really want a decent future, then you need to overcome this fatalistic way of thinking.

Many very successful people had to overcome many hardships along the way to the goal. For example, Winston Churchill suffered a long political setback before becoming one of the most prominent prime ministers in British history.

To prevent your past from influencing your future, the first step is to start thinking differently. What matters is what you think and feel. Can you tell yourself and, more importantly, believe that you are creating your own future? Or, as William Ernst Henley's poem "Unbowed" is so metaphorically expressed, that you are "the master of your destiny"?

Even the smallest success is the result of many hours, and sometimes many years of preparation and hard work.

Guide to action

Don't let anyone clip your wings

Find those who will support you, the environment in which you can create your future. This can naturally relieve you of the need to communicate with people who do not accept your plans or doubt them.

Is it hard for you to believe that you can create your own beautiful future? Overcoming the limitations that prevent us from believing in something is never easy. But it is easier to do this if you understand where the doubts grow from.

Right now, write down everything that stops you on the path to your dream. It is absolutely normal to fear the worst or assume that the problems are worse than they really are. As you write it down, try to reframe your view of these negative factors and look at them positively. For example, if you were fired, consider that in this way you were given freedom and the opportunity to find something better.

Take a look at your plans and dreams, and then ask yourself what are you most worried about? Think about the worst thing that could happen and try to be honest about how likely it is that it will happen. Is that reason enough to stop and stop creating the future you're longing for?

Nietzsche F. Untimely reflections: Schopenhauer as an educator // Nietzsche F. Works: in 3 vols. T. 2: The Wanderer and his shadow. M.: REFL-book, 1994. Approx. per.

Published in Russian: Goldsmith M., Reuter M. triggers. Build habits - build character. Moscow: Mann, Ivanov i Ferber, 2016. Note. ed.

William Ernst Henley is an English poet. The poem in question was written in 1875; in the canonical translation, it ends with the phrase "I am the master of my destiny, I am the captain of my soul." Note. per.

Nigel Cumberland

Do not be sorry about anything. And 99 more rules happy people

Published with permission from HODDER & STOUGHTON LIMITED

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without the written permission of the copyright holders.

No one can build you a bridge over which it is you who can cross the life stream - no one but yourself. True, there are innumerable paths and bridges; there are demigods who want to carry you across the stream - but only at the cost of yourself: you would have to pledge yourself, lose yourself. There is only one path in the world that no one can walk except you; where does it lead? Don't ask - follow it!

Introduction by Marshall Goldsmith

It inspires and offers practical ideas to help you live and work successfully in the 21st century. On the pages of this book you will find a variety of tips on how to change not only your life for the better, but also the lives of those around you, how to become more successful at work and at home, how to build relationships correctly, be healthy, financially secure both now and after retirement. . The book will help you not only determine the significance of success for yourself, but also give you the necessary tools to make it a reality.

As I said, it's not easy to become who you want to be. Nigel's book will give you a chance to overcome the difficulties that are holding you back.

Read it, act. And feel the difference!

Introduction

What does success mean to you? And what kind of success do you need?

The very concept of success is associated with the goals achieved, dreams realized, aspirations that led to the desired result.

You need to achieve a lot so that one day, looking back at the path you have traveled, you can say: “I have lived my life successfully.”

This book is a guide on the path to achieving your goals, whether they are bold and great or modest and even mundane.

Think right now what it means to you to be successful:

Get a higher position;

Succeed as a leader

lose weight;

Run in the mornings;

Become a writer and get published;

Live healthy until retirement

Raise good children and see how they created their own families;

Calm down and live in peace with yourself;

Pay off the mortgage in full

Learn something new;

Always follow the call of the heart and do not regret it;

To be surrounded by wonderful people;

Learn a foreign language;

Completely defeat a serious illness;

Accumulate a certain amount of money;

Do what you love and not experience constant stress from work;

Nigel Cumberland

Do not be sorry about anything. And 99 more rules of happy people

Published with permission from HODDER & STOUGHTON LIMITED

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without the written permission of the copyright holders.

* * *

Friedrich Nietzsche

Introduction by Marshall Goldsmith

In Triggers: Creating Behavior That Lasts Becoming the Person You Want to Be, co-authored with Mark Reiter, I write that understanding the difference between success and failure is both easy and difficult, just like managing the triggers that shape our behavior. The conclusions and exercises in Nigel's book go hand in hand with this idea. But just reading his book is not enough - you need to do all the exercises. So get ready for work.

As I said, it's not easy to become who you want to be. Nigel's book will give you a chance to overcome the difficulties that are holding you back.

Read it, act. And feel the difference!

Marshall Goldsmith,bestselling author of Triggers. Build habits - build character

Introduction

What does success mean to you? And what kind of success do you need?

The very concept of success is associated with the goals achieved, dreams realized, aspirations that led to the desired result.

You need to achieve a lot so that one day, looking back at the path you have traveled, you can say: “I have lived my life successfully.”

This book is a guide on the path to achieving your goals, whether they are bold and great or modest and even mundane.

About the book

Lose weight?
Run in the mornings?
Become a writer?

Pay off your mortgage in full?
Learn a foreign language?
Accumulate a certain amount?

work and career development
relationships and family
personality and character
wellbeing and finance
health and tranquility
training and education

In each chapter, you will learn about one of the rules that are followed...

Read completely

About the book
100 rules of successful people and practical exercises to help you achieve your goals.

This book is your guide to achieving your goals, whether they are bold and grand or humble and even mundane.

What does it mean to you to be successful?
Get a higher position?
Lose weight?
Run in the mornings?
Become a writer?
Raise good children and see how they started their own family?
Pay off your mortgage in full?
Learn a foreign language?
Accumulate a certain amount?
Do what you love and not experience constant stress from work?
One hundred chapters in this book will help you achieve success in anything. Success can be associated with any area of life or work:
work and career development
relationships and family
personality and character
wellbeing and finance
health and tranquility
training and education
retirement and what you leave behind
In each chapter, you will learn about one of the rules that are followed successful people. On the first page of the chapter you will find the description and explanations, and on the second page you will find the exercises. Start working with them today to tune in to the mindset, habits, and behaviors that lead to success.

Some exercises will be new to you, some will seem intuitive. One way or another, it is important to perform all the exercises in such a way as to form new habits. Rare people perform all these actions on their own, deliberately and consciously, and it is them that we consider successful.

Who is this book for?
For everyone who wants to achieve success in any area of life.

about the author
Nigel Cumberland is the co-founder of The Silk Road Partnership, one of the leaders in providing executive coaching and leadership training services. The experience of teaching and working in different places - in Hong Kong, Budapest, Santiago, Shanghai and Dubai - has taught him to succeed in life.

Prior to that, Nigel was the chief financial officer of Coats plc, an international company, and also worked for some of the most successful recruitment companies, including Adecco. In addition, he participated in the creation recruitment agency in Hong Kong and China. The firm won awards and was later bought by Hays plc. Nigel was educated in the UK at the University of Cambridge and is now in high demand as a responsible coach and specialist in executive education. He has written several books on management.

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For inner harmony is necessary. Emotional intelligence is a necessary component of a harmonious life

Love for others

Self love

Establishing a connection

Forgiveness

Compromise

poisoning life

Change the vector of love

* * *

Introduction by Marshall Goldsmith

Introduction

1. Follow your dreams

Any success is always preceded by the fulfillment of a dream.

Guide to action

Realize your dreams

Believe in the dream

Create an algorithm for fulfilling a dream

2. Ask for help

Striving to be perfect will only frustrate and disappoint you.

Guide to action

Find your weak points

Need a jester

Learn to laugh at yourself

3. Create your future

Even the smallest success is the result of many hours, and sometimes many years of preparation and hard work.

Guide to action

Don't let anyone clip your wings

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