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Exit the vicious circle. Stress: how to get out of the vicious circle? Received family support

Alexander Bukhtiyarov

HOW TO BREAK OUT OF THE CIRCLE

Real Opportunities change life for the better

BBK 88.49 B94

Bukhtiyarov A.

B94 How to get out of vicious circle. Ed. 3rd, revised. and additional - Kharkov: Valentin Kovaleva Publishing House, 2009. - 72 p.

ISBN 966-8255-67-4

ISBN 978-966-8255-98-4.

Now is a very peculiar time. Store shelves have been empty for a long time. They have EVERYTHING. Anyone can buy beautiful clothes. Not only those whose husband or father "floats". The opportunity to go abroad and see the most beautiful places on the planet has long been no longer the prerogative of party workers. It is available to everyone. In theory. You can do whatever you want to do. It would seem that not life, but simply paradise. However, not everyone can afford all this. The reason is simple: money. More precisely, their lack.

ISBN 966-8255-67-4 ISBN 978-966-8255-98-4

This book is dedicated to all who continue to strive to become stronger, richer, smarter, kinder, and deeper. - and helps others to do so. Despite the difficulties in his personal life, temporary loneliness, professional and financial problems. Despite creative stagnation, self-doubt, and any kind of failure. This book is dedicated to everyone who never gives up!

NO MATTER WHAT!

Chapter I. Do we want to change something?

“... We have already played this half,

And they only understood one thing:

So that you are not lost on earth -

Try not to lose yourself!”

from a song by Alexander Gradsky

How many times has it happened that we lie under the TV in the evening and watch a movie in which the main character, having overcome difficulties, doubts and self-doubt, achieves incredible changes in his life, becoming rich, happy and respected. Having overcome suffering, emptiness and depression, despite the fact that someone underestimates him and does not believe in his abilities, he achieves his goals. Quite often, such films end with him (the main character) going on a trip on a white ship (or his own yacht), experiencing well-deserved satisfaction that he could do it.

We lie on the couch, watch the finale, and a lump rolls up in the throat (of course, we make every necessary effort so that no one notices this). And in my head I thought: “Damn it! How well he turned out! I would like too ... Cars, yachts, travel ... Respect, love, confidence in tomorrow and the well-being of children... I would also like... Getting rid of tedious problems, victories, achievements, a sense of joy and inner peace... An interesting, eventful life, recognition... I would like my own "happy ending"...

Then we fall asleep. We wake up in the morning, and ... everything starts all over again. We are back on our way in our vicious circle.

Many people spend most of their lives in a vicious circle. A vicious circle is when the word “NECESSARY” is the first thing that comes into our consciousness in the morning. SHOULD - but do not want to. I don't want to, but I SHOULD. We have to go to work, but we don’t want to, because work does not bring us satisfaction. I need to send the boots in for repair, but I don’t want to, because it doesn’t give any pleasure to continue wearing them. It is necessary to clean the apartment, but there is no particular desire, because the situation has not been updated for a long time, and the degree of coziness and comfort does not contribute to the appearance of motivation to do something in this apartment.

A vicious circle is when we do not live the way we would like. If we chronically lack something that is important and necessary for us. If we are dissatisfied with the way we live, and yet, month after month, year after year, things remain the same. When our life passes as if in a fog. One day is similar to another, and we are painfully missing something extraordinary, new, some significant events and positive changes. When such wonderful holidays as birthdays and New Year stop being happy. Because these dates, like milestones, remind us that ANOTHER YEAR has passed, and again nothing in our life in better side hasn't changed.

Five key points, the long-term absence or lack of which indicates to us that we are in a vicious circle - these are money, time, recognition, improvement and self-realization. Moreover, without “understanding” the first two, it is very difficult to make up for the lack of the rest.

Psychologist's answer.

Gulya, hello!
By the way, are you Gulnara? Very beautiful name.
Your question already contains the answer: The circle must be broken!
Open.
You see, just stress and worries about such a sudden departure of the closest and dearest people to you are still very, very strong. Still fresh for you. You are still up to the end and have not let go of either grandma or grandpa.
But we must remember that this will definitely be experienced: such is life! And death, unfortunately, is a part of life.
You will always love and remember your grandparents! You will love them. You will sometimes ask for their advice and they will help you: in the form of a dream, in the form of a signal or a sign, a word, something said by someone on the matter, or your own thought.
They are your guardian angels! And grandmother, apparently, is a very strong guardian angel!
But there are also those alive who are close to you. I'm sure your mom loves you! He just doesn't know how, or doesn't really know how to show it to you.
The nature of people is very different. Some people are easily given manifestations of warmth and love. And for some it is not available at all - they just consider it superfluous! Such people are not at all bad, not cruel, not callous. They just have a different psychology.
You should come up to your mother, hug her and tell her how difficult it is for you, how you want to quickly plunge into life again, how you want warmth! Simple warmth!
Here, Gulya, just do it! And don't expect anything in return! Do it, say it, and calmly walk away.
You will immediately feel better. Trust me.
Be sure to say "thank you" to your mom. Say it with your eyes. Say pr-kind. Again, don't expect anything in return! Don't explain, don't ask for an explanation.
Brother in the army Write to him every day! Write two letters!
When this acute and difficult period passes, you will need to think about starting to change something in yourself:
- You need both girlfriends and friends! That is, you need your own communication zone. Gulya, one must learn to look at people. We must be able to listen and understand them. I'm sure there are people who might be of interest to you.
Novels, movies, etc. - this is good. But this is not enough, and sometimes it is even harmful. Imaginary lives and fake experiences. Do you understand? And you need something that will make you stronger.
- Still, you need to develop. "I'm not interested in anything" - it happens, yes. But this happens when a person feels bad. Your "bad" will pass and interest will appear. The main thing is to always be "in life", not to turn yourself off.
Keep doing yourself! Motivation is born in different ways and from different incentives! You have to keep going to the gym, learning new activities, shopping (just for fun!), attending some events, movies and theaters (if you have them)!
- Find yourself a job! Now it is quite difficult, so you will have the opportunity to focus on this. Find yourself not the first job that comes across, but choose! This will give you confidence in yourself! (Of course, I'm talking about the ideal option. But if there are few opportunities, then go to any job, but make it PLEASANT to you)!
And talk! Talk to your mom, family and friends. You don’t need to complain endlessly, but talking about what you feel is a must!
I'm with you. Write. Good luck.

Alexander Bukhtiyarov

HOW TO BREAK OUT OF THE CIRCLE

Real opportunities to change lives for the better

BBK 88.49 B94

Bukhtiyarov A.

B94 How to break out of the vicious circle. Ed. 3rd, revised. and additional - Kharkov: Valentin Kovaleva Publishing House, 2009. - 72 p.

ISBN 966-8255-67-4

ISBN 978-966-8255-98-4.

ISBN 966-8255-67-4 ISBN 978-966-8255-98-4

NO MATTER WHAT!

Chapter I. Do we want to change something?

“... We have already played this half,

And they only understood one thing:

So that you are not lost on earth -

Try not to lose yourself!”

from a song by Alexander Gradsky

We lie on the couch, watch the finale, and a lump rolls up in the throat (of course, we make every necessary effort so that no one notices this). And in my head I thought: “Damn it! How well he turned out! I would like too... Cars, yachts, travel... Respect, love, confidence in the future and well-being of children... I would like too... Getting rid of tedious problems, victories, achievements, a sense of joy and inner peace.. An interesting, eventful life, recognition ... I would like my own "happy ending" ...

Then we fall asleep. We wake up in the morning, and ... everything starts all over again. We are back on our way in our vicious circle.

A vicious circle is when we do not live the way we would like. If we chronically lack something that is important and necessary for us. If we are dissatisfied with the way we live, and yet, month after month, year after year, things remain the same. When our life passes as if in a fog. One day is similar to another, and we are painfully missing something extraordinary, new, some significant events and positive changes. When such wonderful holidays as birthday and New Year cease to please. Because these dates, like milestones, remind us that ANOTHER YEAR has passed, and again nothing in our life has changed for the better.

The concept of lack of money is very relative. Some people do not have enough for the most necessary things, and others for the purchase of an island in the Pacific Ocean. The case when financial income is not enough to meet basic human needs is, unfortunately, the most common, and certainly the most offensive. He looks painfully familiar. If instead of living a bright, full life, instead of getting moral, creative and material satisfaction from your work, instead of giving joy to your children, you have to work from morning to evening so that the family does NOT starve. So that the family is NOT undressed. To NOT turn off gas, electricity, telephone. All this is more like not life, but survival.

Lack of time is also not uncommon, and money shortage often goes hand in hand. There is no time to relax with family, chat with friends, read a book. I'm not talking about the fact that sometimes you have to give up doing what you love because of the lack of both time and money. Every single day, either ND (no money) or NV (no time). The child asks to buy him a mobile phone - ND. Go on a picnic - NV. Go to a concert of your favorite "star" - NDNV. Interestingly, the reason for the lack of time, as a rule, is that all of it is spent on earning "small" money. Money, which is only enough to NOT starve, NOT to be naked, and a few more "NOTs".

Rebellious thoughts periodically arise: “What kind of life is this! How long can you endure this?!” But time passes (which is not enough), and there is an addiction to this state of affairs. DANGEROUS ADDITION. Watching TV shows about travel and exotic countries, we stop WANTING to go there. Less and less we go to expensive stores. We begin to look at beautiful cars “in a pedestrian way” (they say that they got divorced, there is nowhere to go). It's a shame that a lot of people agree "with what is" when the range of what can be purchased for money becomes simply limitless! When new ones open almost every day travel agencies! When you can buy the most unthinkable things in the "For Home" stores that can improve and decorate our life, diversity household appliances is simply amazing, and cars are gradually ceasing to be a luxury! Who is this for? After all, just think, having an income of just over $1000 per month, literally within a year you can get rid of the burden of "financial tails" (if they are not very large) and take a car on credit; start saving every month, an amount sufficient to spend time with family abroad once a year; eat and dress quite well, and every two or three months, acquire something that will increase the pleasure of being in your home (for example, a food processor, microwave, vacuum cleaner, etc.).

Here a fair question may arise: “Where can I get it, this $1,000?” Do you really want this? If your answer is “Yes, very much!” then I think you will be fine, and through this book I will try to help you as much as possible. Perhaps you are interested in how you can earn more than a thousand dollars a month? Well, in this book you can find the answer to this question. In the end, it all depends on what you take from what you read.

Life around every day becomes brighter and more interesting, but this brightness may not be enough for us. In case we allow ourselves to accept what is. If we allow ourselves to get used to the routine, to the vicious circle that we find ourselves inside. If we don't remember that we want, we have the right And Can live the way we want! If we do not remember this, then it may happen that nothing will ever change. Why? Yes, because when we get used to finding something good in what is, at the same time we stop thinking about how we wanted to live, while at the same time ceasing to look for ways to improve our lives, we can get “bogged down” to such an extent that we are simply unable to see the opportunities that sometimes slowly float past our windows.

... With such requests, sometimes they come to a psychologist. For example, a gentle and tactful person who finds himself in an unfriendly team with inadequate competition wants to learn how to “gnaw out” his success with his teeth, shift the blame on others and generally behave like an alpha male during a consultation with a psychologist.

Another example: a woman wants to become even more comfortable - in the hope of keeping a man who rejects her, devalues her and is generally going to leave, or maybe beats her, accusing her of all sins. She has almost turned inside out in front of him in an attempt to please, and now she turns to a psychologist with the question of how to become even more obsequious - and all in order to keep him.

That is, instead of learning how to stop another or at least show your pain, you strive to hide your feelings and vulnerability even more, and, ideally, completely lose sensitivity. Because in a toxic relationship there is no inspiration and space for your natural development, instead of growth, there is a contraction - and often you want to freeze and not feel anything. The tasks that others broadcast do not correspond to your values, and you find yourself in a trap: being yourself is ineffective, there is no desire to become different, and all this looks like a dead end.

Unfortunately, this will be a dead end if you do not change the perspective, the scale of the consideration of the situation and do not look more broadly.

How did you get into this relationship, this job? What value do they have for you now, and is there any? Maybe this is a stage already passed and there is no reason to keep yourself in something that does not lead to growth? Or maybe in this situation there is a meaning and development tasks that can be solved, learn something new and even enjoy in the process of solving them and personal growth.

However, aggravating an unhealthy relationship does not make it healthier. The changes that a person stuck in such a dead end needs so much, a new and more positive experience can come if you do something new, go beyond the proposed choice, do not agree to a pathological alternative.

For example, start to notice and respect your boundaries. Strengthen, expand the zone of personal resources, self-respect and sensitivity to the damage that the other causes - in a pathological relationship. Feeling the resources, support, it is much easier to defend yourself, fight back the offender or find safe places and people to go to. It is then that change occurs and there is a chance for improvement or rupture of relations, for any change for the better.

And instead of trying to please, completely sacrificing your life and your interests (and at the same time losing interest on the part of a man), start remembering or looking for a taste of life, your hobbies and your view of things. Then it is possible to become interesting to this man. But no guarantees, because if you raise yourself for him, then it will again come down to sacrifice. Or stop being good in the hope of stopping aggression and bullying in the team, find the ability to resist. Moreover, in its own unique way, which will be experienced by the natural flow of feelings from the inside out, and not by a mask of indifference or readiness for a retaliatory strike firmly pressed to a tear-stained face.

But these are all special cases, and if you generalize, then any attempts to be not yourself are doomed to failure. You can only seek your strength within, and not in accordance with the expectations of others, especially aggressive others. And often, having found this power and other aspects of oneself, one becomes less controllable and less comfortable. And this is a risk that is inherent in any relationship. The risk that others will resist these changes. But, if the relationship is truly important, then this is just a stage that can be experienced together and reach a more constructive and prosperous relationship.

Have you met with such a situation when unpleasant situations are periodically repeated? What do you think it depends on, fate or the actions of the person himself?

Recurring events are a sign that a person has not gone through and understood some life lesson. It may also be that we ourselves create recurring unpleasant situations in our lives with our behavior and our thoughts.

Look at yourself in the past and you will find that although you change and develop, by and large you are exactly the same as you were 10, 20 or 40 years ago. You have the same character, the same reaction to events.

We live according to our own scenario of life, according to our picture of the world, and we are afraid to go beyond our beliefs and programs. Every year people hope that in next year they will be more lucky and in life something will begin to change for the better. Look at your life, at least for the last 10 years. Has your life gotten better? Most people don't and won't get better.

To make it better, you need to change something in your life, in your thinking and in your actions. If you want change, you need to get out of your comfort zone and do something new.

What affects recurring events?

1 If a person or not being very good with yourself. Subconsciously it looks like "I don't deserve better". In this situation, nothing good can be expected. Life will get harder and worse every year. Learn to accept yourself and other people. You are a part of God and treat yourself like a god. Get yourself a program "I love and accept myself for who I am, I deserve the best". Realizing and accepting this will take you to the next level.

2 Man's choice. We make our choices every day, and we do so in accordance with our understanding of this world. The choice is influenced by the nature and set of conscious and unconscious programs that are in every person.

To get something new, you need to go beyond your usual life and your subconscious programs and do. This will give you new results. It should be noted that they may not always be the results that you need, but this is already new life and the destruction of old patterns. We live knowing this world, we develop and learn in this physical world.

Living in our comfort zone, we stop developing, and life begins to resemble a swamp with a bad smell. Constantly take steps into the new and unknown, and from life you will receive new gifts.

So, to break the vicious circle of recurring events, you need to:

Accept yourself, other people and the world as it is. Accept and love. This will have a very good effect not only on fate, but also on health.
Change your life. Go beyond the usual life and habitual actions. Take steps into uncharted areas, meet new people, do things differently. Your life is a set of rules invented by someone. Create your own rules and involve people in your life, rather than playing by someone else's rules.

These 2 steps will pull you out of your usual life and set the course for new events. Also, the vicious circle can be broken by receiving answers from her.

Exit the vicious circle. Stress: how to get out of the vicious circle? Received family support

What affects recurring events?

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